


As the World Falls Down

by Ithiel_Dragon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, M/M, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-01
Updated: 2008-11-02
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:23:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 40,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithiel_Dragon/pseuds/Ithiel_Dragon
Summary: When Dean is 17 and Sam is 13 their father goes missing.  After a year of looking for their father, trying to hunt, and doing whatever he has to for money Dean finally realizes he has to give up hunting for good if he wants to take care of his brother like he deserves.  But the transition from being a hunter to a normal life is not an easy one for either of them.This work is incomplete and abandoned, it will never be completed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Story uploaded by Ithiel Dragon. This was a roleplay story I was involved in several years ago on a forum called Devil's Gate. Ithiel Dragon played Dean Winchester, and some other characters. Mark_Angel played Sam Winchester, and some other characters. I am posting this story in its entirety and unedited. The page breaks are where the author changed. Maybe one day I will go back and edit it into a more proper story format, but don't hold your breath. I'm mostly posting this story here so I don't lose it. I still think its a pretty good read the way it is, but it is still obviously a roleplay. You've been warned.

It was late when Dean Winchester finally pulled his car into the empty parking space out in front of the motel room he had rented for himself and Sam a week ago. Past two in the morning, there were no lights on in any of the other rooms next to theirs this time of night. Just a little sliver peaking through the closed drapes of their room meaning either Sam was still waiting up for him, or his brother had fallen asleep doing so and forgotten to turn out the light.  


  
Dean wasn’t sure right now which he was more hopeful for.

Turning off the ignition with a soft purr from the engine, Dean sat there in the sudden silence unmoving. His hand poised over the door handle, but he didn’t open it.

The young man almost wanted to just stay in the car for the night, or at least drive around for a few more hours in order to avoid the conversation he knew would happen if Sam was still awake and waiting for him inside the motel room. Of course, if his brother _was_ still awake, the younger boy would have already heard the familiar growl of the Impala’s engine and knew he was back.

Was there any real point in avoiding it right now? It wouldn’t make things any easier…

With a sigh, Dean slowly got out of the car and retrieved his duffel from the back seat that he’d taken with him because he hadn’t been sure how long he’d be away. Sam hadn’t been happy, not one bit, but the elder boy had refused to take his little brother along when there had been so much potential for the shit hitting the fan if things went bad with this source. Any other situation and Dean probably never would have agreed to meet with the guy, no matter what information he said he had, but they’d already exhausted all their other options. They were at the end of the road. This was it…

As it turned out, Dean had been right not to trust the guy if his bruised cheek and the rather large cut on his forehead was any indication. And it had all been for nothing. When Dean had finally managed to beat the information out of his double crossing contact, it had turned out to be the same dead end information that they’d already heard and ruled out months ago.

John Winchester had simply fallen off the face of the earth, and after a year of searching for the older man he and Sam were no closer to finding their father than they were the day their Dad had missed had missed his weekly check in call while away on a hunt.

Dean sighed again heavily as he put the key to their room in the lock and opened the door quietly, just in case he was lucky and his little brother was asleep. Right now he just wanted to fall into bed, no matter how uncomfortable it might be, and sleep for a week. The eighteen year old boy felt exhausted and helpless in a way he never had felt before in his life. Dad had always been the one to give him orders, telling him what needed to be done next.

What were they supposed to do now?

* * *

Sam was slumped in one of the lumpy chairs in the room with some random show on tv and the volume down low, so he heard the soft purr of his brothers car as it parked and felt comforted by the familiar sound. Letting out a sigh of relief he felt his tense muscle relax slightly, which made him realize just how tired he was.

His brother had only been gone a day, but it was a day full of worry for Sam, the past year had been a nightmare as they searched for their dad and it was starting to take it's toll on both of them. Sam knew the one thing that kept him going was his big brother, Dean sometimes pissed him off so much he wanted to pound his face, but Dean was always there, he had become the security Sam had never had from his dad.

So the past twenty four hours had been hell for him, he worried endlessly about where Dean was and imagined him hurt and bleeding and needing help. During the day Sam had managed to complete all his homework and essays, do all the laundry, clean the small motel room and do some research of the supernatural kind. The time had ticked slowly by driving him insane and at some point during the day he had stopped worrying about Dean so much and started wondering if Dean was going to vanish like dad.

After sitting for four straight hours staring blankly at a wall Sam had convinced himself that Dean wasn't coming back and felt a numbness sweep through him. He could survive not having dad around if he had to but he needed Dean and he felt some guilt at thinking that and worried if that meant he was a bad son for needing his brother more than his dad.

So it wasn't just relief that ran through him as he heard the car but anger guilt and the never ending worry, what were they going to do?

Sam was practical by nature, something Dean always called him on, but he was and he had gone over every possible scenario that could happen if they never found their dad and most of them did not end well. The ones that scared him most were not the thoughts of him and Dean being separated by the authorities but the ones where Dean just decided it was too much responsibility and left him alone. He knew he was a burden for his big brother and sometimes they would fight so much it was like they hated each other so he could reason why his brother would just take off, hell for all he knew that is what their dad had decided.

It was this thought that stopped him rushing to greet Dean and make sure he was ok, he was too lost in his anger at his brother for wanting to leave him behind.

Some of that anger faded as he noted that Dean was being quiet to not disturb him, Dean did always take care of him, but that was because of dad and now dad was gone Dean wouldn't have to do it.

Blinking back the tears he pushed the hair out of his face, feeling young and helpless in a way he hated and scared of what would happen to them.

* * *

When Dean first opened the door to the motel room and the first thing he saw was both of the queen beds made and empty, he felt irrational stab of panic hit him hard in the gut. A testament perhaps to just how tired and worn down from the last year he really was. When all he could do for a few heartbeats was stand there, his breath frozen and his heart hammering in his chest, actually believing that his brother had not waited for him. Had left…

Of course a quick glance around the room, seeing Sammy sitting in one of the room’s chairs over by the old television, erased those fears and he didn’t know whether to feel relieved or like a complete idiot. Deciding he was too tired to start kicking himself in the balls tonight, the rest of the world was doing a real good job of it anyway, he settled on relief as he came into the room. Shutting the door behind him quietly even though his brother was obviously still awake and dumped his duffel onto his bed with a heavy sigh.

He would have liked to collapse down onto the bed too and not get up again for at least a good twenty four hours, but since his brother was awake there was no point in putting off talking to the younger boy tonight. Dean sighed again and ran his hand through his hair, wincing a little because he’d forgotten about the gash there and hoping he hadn’t made it start bleeding again.

Dean finally turned to approach his brother, who still wasn’t looking at him so he figured Sam was still pretty pissed about making him stay here. Not really the best way to start this conversation, but... He sat down in the room’s only other chair across from his younger brother. The elder boy was silent for a moment before he decided to start off with the ‘easiest’ news, since he figured Sam had probably already guessed it anyway.

“The guy didn’t have any new information on Dad.”

* * *

Sam heard his brothers weary sigh and felt a stab of guilt, since their dad had vanished, Dean had done everything he could to find him in between making sure they had money for food and a place to sleep at night. He knew how much it was weighing Dean down, it was starting to show, he never slept and had dark circles around his eyes, Sam hated seeing his brother look so beaten. Dean was always the stronger big brother and it scared Sam to see him looking more and more vulnerable as his desperation to find dad grew.

Sam focused on his brother as he sat across from him but he barely registered his brothers words, his sole focus was on the cut and bruise on his brothers face.

"what happened? are you ok?"

Sam was up and out of the chair as quick as he could gently touching the cut on his brothers head, a quick check told him it needed stitches. He rushed towards the bathroom grabbing what he needed before hurrying back to his brother frowning as he got the stuff set up. He had patched his brother up more times than he cared to remember but it never got any easier, he hated seeing his brother hurt or injured. Besides Dean was far too pretty to have any bruises or cuts making it look ugly, he couldn't control the blush as he wondered what Dean would say if he knew Sam thought he was too pretty. Probably tear him a new one.

He knew he looked worried and his hand shook as he handed a bottle of whiskey to his brother to help with the pain he was about to inflict.

"Here this should help, are you hurt anywhere else? Dean who did this? "

He knew he was talking too much but couldn't help it, it was the final thing in this whole mess, dad was gone and Dean was hurt, he tried hard to swallow the lump in his throat but couldn't stop a few tears escaping as he started cleaning the cut wondering if they would ever get a break.

He whispered softly under his breath not intending Dean to hear, not wanting him to feel any worse, "it's all messed up."

* * *

Dean opened his mouth to continue, when he realized Sam hadn’t responded how he expected. Though that wasn’t much out of the ordinary. The younger boy had been surprising him by the things that could come out of his mouth for years. Sometimes they were amusing. Often times, less so. Especially when his brother had finally hit puberty and his hormones began raging through the roof. The things Sammy would sometimes say, especially in front of Dad, to Dad, and the arguments between them that would follow…

This wasn’t one of those times, however. The older boy was more surprised that Sam hadn’t seemed to hear his words at all about Dad. When his brother finally turned his attention to him, all his brother’s anger from before seemed to vanish in an instant Sam got a good look at him and was instantly replaced by concern.

Whatever Dean had been planning to say next stuck in his throat like glass and he had to swallow hard against the lump when checked the cut on his forehead with gentle fingers before rushing away. Returning seconds later with the supplies Sam would need to patch him up.

The older boy took the offered bottle of whiskey gratefully. The one he’d purchased a week ago with the same fake ID he used to get into bars. The one Dad had made for him to help him get information from locals during hunts and sometimes hustle for extra cash. The latter had been his and Sam’s main source of income over the last year as they’d searched for their father.

He didn’t think Sam knew he’d bought it. In fact, Dean had felt a little guilty when he had because his younger brother had often complained about their father’s tendency to get lost inside a bottle from time to time. Their Dad wasn’t a drunk. But sometimes when the memories of Mom, or the stresses from hunting became too much for their father… In the last year Dean had come to understand a little better what it must be like for their Dad, how appealing just a few hours of complete oblivion without worrying could be…

Dean took a healthy drink from the bottle now. Welcoming the slight burn down his throat and the relief to various aches in his body it would eventually bring.

“No, not really. Just bruises. Don’t worry.” The young man reassured his brother that he wasn’t really hurt anywhere else. Staying still as Sam began cleaning the cut on his forehead, trying not to wince at the slight sting of the peroxide. Not wanting to worry the younger boy even more. He was glad at least the cut was close to his hairline and if it scarred it wouldn’t be too noticeable.

“The asshole who said he had information on Dad brought some friends along. Decided he wanted money in exchange for it, and when I wouldn’t give it to him, decided he’d just take the car instead. Like hell. I took care of them though, got the info too, but it was a dead end.” Dean roughly explained what had happened. Hoping his brother wouldn’t rub it in that he should have listened and not gone to see the shady guy in the first place. But Dean was desperate enough to find their father he was willing to listen to any possible new information, no matter how shady.

But it had been a bust. The trail was completely cold. Any possible contact used up, along with most of their funds. In fact, after tonight, Dean would either have to find a bar to hustle up some cash for a place for them to stay, or they’d have to sleep in the car again.

The few tears that slid down his younger brother’s cheeks and Sam’s soft whisper broke something inside of Dean. Before he knew it he’d wrapped his arms around the younger boy, pulling his brother down into his lap and hugging him tightly. As though he were afraid if he didn’t hold onto Sam tight enough his brother might suddenly disappear and Dean would be alone. It wasn’t so far from the truth, and he was terrified at that thought. Sam leaving him, or being taken away from him. Not being able to take care of his younger brother… god, how was he going to take care of Sam without Dad? He could barely take care of himself…

“I’m sorry, Sammy… I’m trying…”

* * *

Sam nodded as Dean explained what had happened, he didn't really hear his brother but he already knew what it meant, another dead end. They were alone. He tried blinking through the tears and focusing on cleaning the wound not realizing Dean had heard him.

When his brother wrapped his arms around him Sam instantly tensed expecting some kind of attack. It was a natural response growing up as a Winchester you expected attack over affection especially from your own brother who liked to test you. He was already thinking of ways to throw his brother off him, not reasoning why his brother would attack. Their dad had taught them well, ask questions later.

It took him a few moments to realize Dean was pulling him onto his lap and hugging him not trying to attack or test his reflexes, for a while Sam just let Dean hug him, too shocked to do anything else. His brother never hugged him, ok so maybe that wasn't true but since he had hit puberty his brother had found various other ways of showing affection, like ruffling his hair or patting him on the shoulder, even dragging him around the room in a gentle headlock that Sammy could escape if he wanted to but rarely hugs. He was certain Dean had never hugged him this tight before even as a kid, Sam had often initiated hugs being too young to be embarrassed about his need for comfort and his big brother always wrapped his arms securely around him and made him feel safe. But this, this was different, his big brother was clinging on to him like he was drowning and Sam was his lifeline.

Deans broken voice and words tore him from his shock and he wrapped his arms around his big brother, noticing that his arms were to small to wrap around him. He was too small to make Dean feel safe to give him the comfort he needed, the comfort he must get from dad being around. As Deans words sunk in he couldn't control the sob that escaped him as he buried his face in his brothers neck clinging to him for all he was worth.

He didn't blame his brother, he had nothing to be sorry for, Dean had been doing all he could to keep them going, he felt stupid for saying what he had, Dean had to know he didn't blame him. Though no matter how much he tried he couldn't force the words out, tears were staining his brothers t shirt and he felt a lump in his throat that he couldn't shift making it difficult to say anything. After a few attempts of trying to speak he managed to mumble against his brothers neck "not your fault, Dean" in between his sobs, not sure if his brother even heard or understood him.

* * *

Dean felt his brother tense almost immediately in his arms and he almost let go of the younger boy immediately, feeling guilty for obviously startling Sam like that. But he found he couldn’t release his near desperate hold on his brother even if he wanted to. Which he didn’t.

No, this might not be the ‘normal’ way for them that they showed affection for one another, but nothing about the last several months had been normal. Dean had never felt this desperate, or so afraid of being alone before, and the fear was sharp enough to cut cleanly through all of his normal aversions to so called ‘chick-flick’ moments.

He _needed_ to know he wasn’t alone. His little brother was the only family he had left. More important to him than the air he breathed. Dean had always tried to take care of Sammy as best he could when Dad wasn’t around. Protect his little brother. That was his one true job. One true purpose, and it terrified him that he might be failing that purpose now when Sam really needed him.

When Sam finally relaxed against him, wrapping his arms around him and holding onto him tightly for all he was worth, Dean finally felt a bit of the icy cold feeling of fear that had frozen around his heart for the last year melt a little. He held the younger boy securely against him. Burying his nose into the soft curls on top of his brother’s head, making soft shushing noises realizing some of the wetness he felt on his neck was the younger boy’s tears.

Sometimes he forgot that Sammy was only fourteen years old. Often the younger boy behaved much older, more mature, except when he was throwing a hormone induced tantrum. So it was easy to forget. Sam had to be even more scared than he was about what might happen to them.

Dean was eighteen now, but his brother wasn’t even in High School yet. Dean had dropped out his last year when their dad had gone missing so he could look for him full time, but at least if push came to shove he could get a job to put food on the table and a place to stay. Sam couldn’t, his brother needed him to take care of him, and if the wrong people ever got wind that it was just the two of them…

Even though Dean was technically an adult they could make a case that he couldn’t take care of Sam and take him away. Put him in a foster home or an orphanage or something. A case they could easily make since Dean didn’t own a thing to his name except his car… and they would be right. He couldn’t take care of Sammy. Not really. Not like this, and still search for their father. Still hunt like he knew Dad would want him to…

But he was sure Dad would want him to take care of Sam first. To keep them a family. No matter what… Dean swallowed hard, coming to a decision. It wasn’t easy… wouldn’t be easy… but…

“We’ll make it, Sammy. I promise.” Dean whispered softly into his brother’s hair before finally drawing away a little. His cheeks flushed a bit with embarrassment yet he still offered the younger boy a soft reassuring smile. “I’m gonna take care of you. No matter what. I’m not gonna let you down…”

* * *

Sam felt himself calming down after a few more moments, he felt safe and warm held in his brothers arms, his brother had always been bigger and stronger and had always taken care of him. He hated that Dean blamed himself for this mess when it was dads fault, he felt a rush of anger at their dad for subjecting them to this life and then leaving them alone. Sometimes he felt so much hatred towards his dad he hated himself, but he never understood how a demon could be more important than your family. Mostly he hated how Dean was always dumped on and he never once complained, over the years Sam had watched the brother he adored get ordered around and treated like a soldier rather than a son. It was probably why Sam failed to be a good little soldier as he got older, he resented his dad for this life and for the way he gave Dean no choice but to embrace this life and now he was gone.

Still there wasn't a time he ever blamed his brother in all of this, even when Dean would try and get him to see dads side of things or encourage him to learn new fight moves. Dean as always was doing what he was told, he always would, he couldn't hate him for that, Sam wasn't sure he could ever hate his brother.

The soft words whispered into his hair made him shiver slightly as it tickled and he knew he was right to feel safe, Dean would rather die than fail dads orders and one of them was always to take care of him, so Dean would. He felt guilty that his brother would forever be stuck taking care of him because he was loyal but his need to feel safe and secure overtook the guilt for now.

He let out an embarrassing little whimper as his brother pulled away slightly to look at him, he hadn't wanted to move, he felt so tired and Dean felt nice even his scent was comforting and he was sure he could have fallen sleep on his brothers shoulder if given a chance. He took in his brothers blush and smiled, Dean rarely got embarrassed and it was sometimes nice to see his near perfect brother lose some of the mask he wore and Sam felt special as he realized he was likely the only person ever to see this side to Dean.

He wiped at his tears feeling his own embarrassment rise in his cheeks, he hated crying and acting like a baby but he was too emotionally drained to care too much about that now. He met his brother eyes and returned the smile and at his brothers words felt his heartbeat increase and he felt a strange feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. The look in his brothers eyes along with his words sent home to Sam for the first time that his brother didn't take care of him just cause dad said so. He knew Dean loved him but the look in his brothers eyes went beyond love, it felt like he was Deans whole world for a moment and it was too much for him to understand. He lowered his eyes still feeling his pulse racing but not understanding why, only knowing he wasn't ready to look too closely at it.

When he looked back at his brother he had regained control of his emotions and smiled softly, his voice dry and hoarse from crying as he spoke, "I know you will, I trust you Dean" and he did, completely, despite all his fears of Dean leaving, deep down he knew he could trust his brother to come through for him.

"Lets take care of that wound, before I fall sleep on you," he smiled and waited for Deans arms to let him go, he didn't miss the way that feeling in his stomach returned as he realised he was practically straddling his brother. He suddenly felt awkward in the embrace and knew he needed to get out of it quick, trying to keep his smile in place he tried moving off his brothers lap. He tried to not sound frustrated as his brothers arms held him in place, "you planning on letting me go anytime soon?" he tried to add humour to his voice but he knew there was an edge to it, he just hoped his brother didn't notice.

* * *

Though Dean still felt a bit embarrassed for his minor breakdown, and hugging his little brother like the younger boy was a stuffed teddy bear for comfort, he felt a little better than he’d felt in months so he couldn’t really regret it. The only thing he really regretted, he realized, was that it was ending so soon as his little brother began trying to wiggle his way off of his lap. Looking a bit uncomfortable now to be there, and the older boy thought it so amusingly endearing he kept holding onto Sam tightly preventing his brother from climbing off his lap for a few more moments.

“I know, I know. Too big to cuddle anymore. You used to love it.” Dean teased gently, noticing the slight hitch in the younger boy’s voice, but chalking it up to puberty, and he couldn’t help grinning even more. Raising his hand to ruffle Sam’s hair, though it wasn’t as rough as the gesture usually was.

“You need a haircut.” The older boy mused, almost to himself. His fingers lingering a little in the soft strands before he finally relaxed his hold around his younger brother so Sam could stand up again. Noticing as the younger boy did so that the legs of Sam’s jeans looked a good inch higher than they’d been a mere month ago. He’d need new ones soon. Boy was growing like a damn weed.

It was another reminder of yet another thing they needed money for but did not have, and though it worried the older boy, he pushed the worry aside for now. There was nothing he could do about it tonight anyway. So Dean took another drink from the whiskey bottle before stopping it up and putting it aside on the table. He wasn’t looking to get drunk tonight, after all, just something to take the edge off when Sam started stitching him up.

“Ok, lets get this over with so we can both get some sleep. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.”

* * *

Sam managed a genuine smile at his brothers words and rolled his eyes, he was glad the weird moment was passing, " as I recall it was you that used to use me as your personal teddy bear when we had to share beds." He grinned and stuck his tongue out at Dean feeling lighter than he had in months, "I had to beg dad to get you to stop drooling on me, was like sleeping next to a dog, a smelly dog." He knew it was lies but was enjoying teasing his big brother there hadn't been many moments over the last few months.

He relaxed more as Dean ruffled his hair, both Dean and his dad had taken to doing this over the years, he figured it had something to do with the mop of hair on his head, but Deans touch felt more gentle than normal and it lingered longer. He felt himself leaning into his brothers touch sighing happily, it felt nice and relaxing and he felt himself pouting as his brothers hands moved away, "I like it longer. " Dean was right about his hair, he just enjoyed arguing with him too much to agree, even though he wore his hair long it was getting too long for even him. He hadn't made a big deal of it as he knew funds were always tight and he hated adding to Deans worries.

As he stood up he watched his brother drink the whisky and felt relieved that Dean was not planning to get wasted with the bottle tonight, it always worried him when Dean or his dad had lots to drink. With his dad he hated how sad he would become and with Dean he hated seeing his brother out of control, at first it would seem funny but then he would feel responsible and in charge and the weight of that responsibility scared him. It was during those times he realized just how much Dean had to struggle with, which is why he could handle his hair being too long.

He cleaned the wound again before getting to work, "sure thing Frankenstein," as he stitched his brother he wondered what they would be doing tomorrow, but he didn't want to get into it right now, so said nothing. They were both too tired to discuss and plan, that would come tomorrow during breakfast, when Dean had plenty of caffeine in his system. Assessing his work as he finished stitching he decided he had done a good job, "I'm done, it looks ok, doesn't effect your looks too much."

He started packing stuff away and made sure he was out of Deans reach before he spoke, "your still ugly."

* * *

Dean was tempted to make a face in response to his little brother's comment, and sticking his tongue out at him. But he refrained from doing so considering Sam was getting ready to stitch him up and that was a good way to get his eyebrow sewn to his ear if he wasn't careful. Besides, it was kinda nice, in a slightly annoying way, to listen to his brother's light-hearted teasing. Things had been so tense lately. Ever since Dad had gone missing. He'd gladly take a few jabs at his, debatable, drooling habits to see Sam smiling, relaxed, almost like from before they'd been left to fend for themselves.

The older boy couldn't help but roll his eyes at his younger brother's insistence that he liked his hair longer.

"Well, then remind me next time we stop to buy you some elastics for pigtails, _Samantha._ " Dean teased back, then sat quietly while Sam began to stitch the cut on his forehead. It hurt like a bitch like it always did when they had to do it themselves with nothing to numb the area. But his little brother was quick and efficient. Better he thought even than any doctor on the rare times they'd gone to the emergency room for such things.

Soon it was over and Dean made a few faces, not really liking the way the skin pulled at the stitches when he did, so he knew he'd have to be careful about that. He probably did look a little like the Frankenstein monster, but hopefully the stitches could come out in a week or so and it wouldn't scar up too badly.

Though he was feeling sore, tired, and very ready for bed right now, when he heard the comment the younger boy made once he was out of arm reach Dean couldn't help but grin broadly. With a sound halfway between a bark of laughter and outrage he leapt up from the chair, closing the distance between him and his cheeky little brother easily with his still longer stride and grabbed the younger boy by the back of his shirt before Sam could get away.

"I think _someone_ is getting too big for his britches." Dean laughed as he contemplated how to retaliate. He was torn between giving his little brother a wedgie, a noogie, or simply tickling him until Sammy couldn't breathe. Then he decided there wasn't any reason he couldn't rotate between all three, and he began by wrestling the younger boy into a headlock and digging his knuckles into the top of his head. Then quickly shifting his grip and tickling his brother's vulnerable ribs.

"My feelings are hurt. I think you should apologize. I think you should say, 'Dean, you are the best'est big brother in the world.'" The older boy chuckled as he continued his assault.

* * *

Sam had a few seconds to feel good about his insult and the fact he had managed to get back at his brother for calling him a girl, he hated when Dean called him Samantha, something Dean had started doing from a young age. His gloating session was cut short as he heard his brothers response and he knew he was in trouble, he felt his adrenaline pump round his body as he made a move to escape his advancing brother and couldn't help the nervous laughter that escaped him or the shriek as Dean grabbed him.

He had been half hoping Dean was too tired to retaliate but he should have known better, still he couldn't help feeling happy, he loved this kind of banter with his big brother. His dad was always telling him he should learn better than to piss Dean off but Sam always enjoyed teasing Dean till he was wrestling him like now, even when he came off worse.

It was partly because Dean was often too serious for Sam's liking and at times when they would wrestle and fight Dean would become a big kid again, which Sam loved. He knew Dean would not hurt him during these moments, he may humiliate him, or tickle him into a frenzy but Sam knew the difference between a playful Dean and a Dean who wanted to break his baby brothers neck. They rarely had moments like that though, usually they got their tensions out by bitching at each other or wrestling or pulling pranks on each other, there were only a few occasions it got to bloody noses and bruises.

It was for these reasons combined Sam made no effort to escape the headlock at first, Dean was pissed when Sam finally started learning how to escape any kind of hold, as he had figured these moments would be lost. Only Dean didn't count on Sam loving these moments too much to end them too easily, of course he regretted it slightly as Dean did his worst. Sam lost all control and started bucking helplessly trying to escape his big brothers fingers as they assaulted his ribs making Sam giggle and shriek like a ten year old girl.

He snorted at his brothers words and couldn't control the words as they left his mouth, his stubborn streak refusing to let him admit defeat even though he was very ready for some sleep, "My brother is the most delusional person in the whole world."

* * *

Dean couldn’t help but laugh like a maniac as his little brother shrieked and twisted in his arms, trying to avoid his tickling fingers. The younger boy’s useless escape attempts and breathless giggles only encouraging him to tickle his brother harder.

Not caring in the least how loud they were being, or how late/early it was, or how they were probably really pissing off their ‘neighbors’ who would no doubt complain to the manager in the morning. It didn’t really matter since they were leaving tomorrow anyway. But even if they weren’t it still wouldn’t have stopped him, even if they would be risking being kicked out of the cheapest motel in town.

The only thing that mattered to him right now was he had a laughing, squirming, brother in his arms who seemed genuinely happy for the first time in months. Hell, even as bruised and tired as he was, Dean felt more relaxed and light-hearted now than he could even remember. Probably since the day he realized Dad wasn’t coming back on his own.

Maybe for the first time since that day he felt like they were really going to make it and as long as they were together, they could survive anything. The Winchester boy’s were nothing if not stubborn and resourceful. He wasn’t going to let his baby brother down.

Dean couldn’t help but laugh at the younger boy’s gasping, stubborn, reply. He’d expected nothing less even though he suspected his little brother could barely breathe through his giggling. The boy was practically begging for it now. He would just be a bad brother not to give it to him, Dean decided.

So the older boy dragged his little brother over to one of the beds and all but tossed Sam onto it. Immediately pouncing on the younger boy before his brother could squirm away and straddling his hips, pinning him down securely with his legs. Now having two free hands for his assault, began tickling his brother’s stomach and ribs with a new vengeance.

“What was that, Sammy? I didn’t hear you?”

* * *

Sam was lost in his fits of giggles and tried desperately to fight off Deans attacking fingers but every inch of him felt sensitive now and he couldn't help but shriek at every attack. He started to fight back as his big brother straddled him as he knew he was trapped and therefore in big trouble, sure enough Deans attack got worse and Sam tried to buck his heavy brother off of him.

He barely took in Deans words, too lost in his fits of laughter as he shouted breathlessly, "Dean...stop...too...much," Sam fell back into the giggles again and tried to protect his sensitive ribs. He felt the tears streaming down his face and tried hard to catch his breath panting and squirming madly under his brother.

He tried bucking upwards and realized he was slowly getting aroused from the mixture or tickling and having Dean pressed against him, lately he would get hard over the slightest thing, but this would be humiliating if Dean realized. Sam knew he would never live it down. He started struggling even more, glad his cheeks were already flushed from his exertions, not wanting Dean to see he was embarrassed.

He knew his voice was high and scratchy from his screams, "'your the best brother in the WHOLE world, now get off me jerk,"

* * *

Dean was laughing nearly as hard as Sam by this point and he wasn’t even being the one tickled. His little brother didn’t have nearly the amount of muscle mass that the older boy had put on over the last couple of years, so it was easy to hold the younger boy pinned down no matter how much Sam squirmed or bucked beneath him.

Sammy was helpless, and the older boy ‘attacked’ ruthlessly. His fingers worming their way beneath the younger boy’s layers of clothes so he could tickle the sensitive skin of his little brother’s ribs and stomach without mercy. Ignoring Sam’s shouted breathless pleas, though he wasn’t completely heartless and let up a ‘little’ when he noticed his brother’s tears of laughter that streamed down his cheeks. Not enough to stop the younger boy from giggling and squirming though. The older boy willing to give up the fight until he’d heard what he wanted to hear from Sam’s lips.

However Dean began to slowly realize he might have made a calculated error when he chose this method of attack. Because even though Sammy couldn’t budge him the younger boy’s bucking and squirming between his legs was producing a much different reaction than the older boy would have liked. He was getting hard, his jeans suddenly feeling uncomfortably tight, and it was completely innocent, just the result of friction, but that didn’t stop the older boy from flushing in embarrassment and maybe even a little shame because this was his _little brother_.

When Sam bucked particularly hard under him, rubbing against his crotch, and Dean had to bite off a groan, the older boy decided that this had gone too far. It was some kind of miracle that his little brother ‘gave in’ at that exact moment, giving the older boy the excuse he needed to climb off of the younger boy quickly and sit on the edge of the bed instead, willing his erection to fade.

“Damn straight, bitch.” Dean said still breathing heavily, with what he hoped would pass for a triumphant grin, because his little brother would expect _some_ gloating after all of that. He looked at the younger boy still sprawled out on the rumpled bed sheets. Taking in his brother’s equally rumpled appearance, skin flushed and panting, and Dean felt another twitch in his groin that had _nothing_ to do with friction and the older boy stood up quickly.

“I’m gonna take a shower. Get some sleep.” He said as he grabbed a clean set of boxers and t-shirt from his duffel on his way to the bathroom.

* * *

Sam lay back in relief trying to catch his breath and will his erection away now he didn't have the constant pressure against him, it took him a few moments to realize something was off with Dean. His grin wasn't as cocky as usual especially after such a great defeat and he seemed in a hurry to get away from him.

Sam managed to pant out "jerk" before the bathroom door closed.

He lay there for a few moments wondering why Dean had become closed off so quickly, he hated how Dean would shut him out so easily without a second thought even after being so open and laughing just seconds before. Maybe Dean felt guilty for having fun, which was stupid, they both deserved some good time after what they had been through, but then Dean never did make much sense when it came to stuff like this, he always took the blame over the big stuff and never questioned it.

He felt his stomach knot up as he wondered if Dean had felt his reactions to their wrestling, maybe Dean was freaking out that he had made Sam get hard. Only that didn't fit, Dean was always open about this kind of stuff and had given him the sex talk with no embarrassment, no, if Dean had felt him get hard he would have teased him but also let him know its natural to react that way.

Sighing Sam realized how tired he was and decided to pull his top and jeans off and slide under the covers enjoying the smooth cool feeling surrounding him and something else, Deans scent. He was surrounded by Dean his scent and warmth and it took him a few seconds to realize that it wasn't from them wrestling but because he was in Deans bed. He loved the scent of his big brother and had always found it comforting and had often nuzzled into his big brothers neck as a kid, as he thought of this Sam rolled onto his front rubbing his nose against Deans pillow breathing him in.

It was then he realized he was still hard, only even more so now, he groaned slightly as he shifted against the mattress feeling too tired to take care of his problem but knowing he would never sleep whilst he was so hard. He listened for the shower and was glad he had some alone time, half asleep he rubbed himself against the bed thinking about the girl who had kissed him at the last school he had been to. She had soft lips and smelled nice, flowery and girly, Deans scent on the pillow did not go with that fantasy so it was difficult to hold it in his mind.

Sliding a hand inside his shorts to add pressure Sam thought of how nice it had felt to feel a body pressed against him, he was still a virgin and had only ever kissed one girl and that was a soft gentle peck nothing more so his experience was limited. All he could think of as he rubbed against his hand was how it had felt pushing up against another solid body and feeling it press back against him. His mind fought for control, adding the girl that had kissed him, but it felt wrong, girls were not all muscle and strength like Dean they were soft and they didn't smell like Dean. As he thrust into his own fist, he became too lost in the pleasure and stopped trying to control his sinful mind as it imagined him and Dean wrestling naked, skin against skin, Deans hard body pushing against him his scent surrounding Sam as he worshiped his body, Deans moans against his ear as Sam buried his face in his neck.....

His orgasm ripped through him suddenly his whole body tensing as he released into his fist panting harder than he had after his attack from Dean.

Dean.

The shower had stopped now and Sam bit his lip wanting to cry as the shame washed through him, he was a disgusting pervert, no wonder Dean had freaked out, he probably knew Sam's secret dirty thoughts. Dean knew him too well and had probably seen them before Sam even had, "what the hell is wrong with me?" his small whisper wasn't answered and his mind was already working to explain his fantasy.

It was just the feel and scent of his brother that had made it difficult to fantasize about a girl, still he wondered why Dean hadn't become another guy in his mind, he had realized a while ago he was attracted to both males and females. He argued that he didn't know many males he was attracted to so none could be worked into his fantasy, he knew it was a weak argument but it beat admitting that he had just had the most powerful orgasm in his short life because he was thinking of his big brother.

He cleaned himself with his t shirt and rolled onto his front again trying to take comfort from his brothers safe warm scent, he loved Dean in a normal healthy way, Dean knew that, it had to be something else bothering him.

Mind made up he allowed himself to drift into sleep holding firmly to his excuses and explanations for his fantasy about his big brother.

* * *

Dean closed the bathroom door quickly behind him. Barely catching his brother's breathless 'jerk' before he leaned back against the solid wood. Closing his eyes and trying to catch his own breath. As well as trying to will away the heavy ache in his groin… and forget the reason why it was there in the first place...

His little brother. His _fourteen_ year old little brother. Fuck. He didn't know which part of that was worse…

Dad would fucking skin him alive…

He had to resist the urge to bang his head back against the door because he knew Sam would hear it, and he definitely didn't need his brother asking him why he was doing _that_. So instead he stripped down quickly and got in the shower. Turning the water on cold, and gasping as the icy spray hit him like a slap to the face.

He was shivering within seconds but at least it did the trick, his erection wilting almost immediately, and only once it was gone and he was sure it would stay gone did Dean adjust the water to a less frigid temperature. He stood underneath the shower head, his hands pressed to the wall, and his head ducked beneath the spray as it fell across his shoulders. Letting the now pleasantly warm water relax his aching and sore muscles.

It was just friction. That's all it was. A couple of years ago he'd been able to get hard if the wind blew the right way. It was embarrassing, sure, but natural. Nothing to be ashamed of. He was just tired… Not to mention it had been a while since he'd allowed himself to… indulge in that kind of thing.

In fact, Dean couldn't even remember the last time he'd been with a girl. It had been months at least. He'd been much too busy, between taking care of his little brother and looking for their father, who had the time? But, hell, maybe it was past time. If only to relieve some tension and make sure he didn't embarrass himself again the next time he and his brother wrestled together or something. God, he hoped Sam hadn't felt…

Its not as though he _wanted_ to molest his fourteen year old little brother. God, no. He'd never do that to Sammy. He'd rather cut off his own hands than hurt his little brother like that.

Pushing aside his guilt and confusion to be examined later when he was less exhausted, or better yet forget all together, Dean washed quickly with the little complimentary soap the cheep motel offered. Being careful of the stitches Sam had put in when he washed his hair, and he had to admit he felt a lot better once he was clean. Though he was also a lot more tired by the time he finally shut off the shower and dried himself off with the scratchy motel towels.

He dressed in the clean clothes he had brought into the bathroom with him and kicked his dirty ones into a corner which he would toss into the bottom of his duffel tomorrow. They should probably do laundry again soon… Dean mentally reminded himself, along with all the other things that needed to be done. Sometimes it felt like too much, but it was for Sammy, so Dean knew he'd never complain about it. He would do anything for his brother.

When he opened the bathroom door the light was still on in the main room but Sam was fast asleep, and Dean couldn't help but smile a bit at the younger boy as he shut off the bathroom light and walked over to the side of the bed. His bed. Where Sammy was sleeping peacefully.

Dean knew he should probably just take the other bed, but there was a reason why this was 'his' bed. Because it was the closest one to the door and if anything should threaten them in the middle of the night it would have to go through him before it could reach his brother. He could probably move the younger boy to the other bed, but he didn't want to wake Sam up now that he was asleep. They had an early enough start as it was.

It wasn't as though they'd never shared a bed before…

So the older boy shut off the light and carefully slipped into the bed behind his brother. Putting himself between the door and the younger boy, as always, and wrapping an arm protectively around his brother's waist. Pressing a soft kiss to the top of Sam's head and closing his eyes with a soft sigh. He'd probably never admit it to his brother, but he always slept better when they used to share a bed, and he kind of missed it.

"Night, Sammy…" Dean whispered softly into the younger boy's hair before dropping off into an exhausted slumber, holding his brother close.

* * *

Sam was a light sleeper, ever since he learned the truth about the supernatural he never really let himself completely fall into a deep sleep, except for the times when his big brother slept next to him offering a complete sense of safety so that he could slip into peaceful dreams. So while he was drifting in sleep he was also very aware of his brother sliding in next to him and while he was too tired to respond to his big brother and say goodnight he wriggled and snuggled back into his brother, feeling safe and protected. With a deep contented sigh he drifted into the deep slumber that often escaped him and hoped that tonight his brother's presence would keep his constant nightmares at bay.

_He was running down a deserted highway searching for something important, he couldn't grasp what it was he was searching for, only that he needed it and the longer he was without it, the worse he felt. The darkness around him started closing in and he knew he was lost, without this important thing he would drown in the darkness and never survive. As the black swirled around him he fell to his knees, screaming out in terror and despair, just as the darkness started to creep over his naked flesh he realized what he had been searching for. It was too late though, as he opened his mouth the shout his brothers name the darkness filled his mouth and throat and making him choke._

Sam thrashed around in his sleep trying to fight off the darkness and finding it difficult to breathe, sweat glistened over his skin and he whimpered with fear. He was starting to realize it was a dream but wasn't quite able to pull himself from that world, he felt alone and wondered where Dean was, Dean protected him and kept him safe. The feeling from the dream made him whimper in fear, was Dean lost?

He let out pleading moan, "Dean......"

* * *

Dean woke up at dawn. Not that he really wanted to, in fact he was really comfortable and would have liked to stay in bed for much longer. Having gotten roughly only four hours of sleep and still very tired and achy from the events of the day before.

But he hadn't been lying to his brother when he said they needed to leave early, and Dean needed to get some things done even before then. So it was with much regret that he carefully untangled himself from around the sleeping younger boy. Being extremely careful not to wake Sam as he got up and stretched slowly.

He had slept good at least, better than he usually did despite how short it had been, so he supposed he couldn't complain too much. Dean yawned. Promising himself a large Styrofoam cup of coffee with breakfast when they hit the road, and the promise of caffeine perked him up a little.

Dropping to the floor Dean started some quick pushups. Part of the routine of exercises his Dad had insisted on in the mornings for himself and his boys. A reminder of his father's old military boot camp days, and also part of the training their Dad had put them through to keep them in shape and ready for hunting. Along with, of course, the hand to hand combat, weapons training, target practice, etc.

Actually, Dean kind of felt like going for a run for a mile or two, but since he wasn't going to leave his little brother alone this would have to do for now. The activity helped to wake him up, and he'd worked up a pretty good sweat by the time he was finished.

The older boy was on his way to the bathroom to take a shower when a soft whimper from the bed drew his attention and he turned worried eyes to his sleeping brother. The younger boy's brow furrowed in sleep and he was breathing quickly. Twitching a little at first but even as Dean approached the bed to wake Sam up from his obvious nightmare the boy began thrashing.

Dean quickly caught his brother's flailing hands as he sat on the edge of the bed to keep Sam from slapping him in the face unintentionally, and drew the shaking younger boy up into his arms. Holding him tightly.

"Sam, its ok. Sammy, I'm here. Wake up now, your just dreaming. Its ok, Sammy…" The older boy whispered comfortingly, brushing his brother's sweat slick hair back from his forehead and cradling Sam protectively against his chest so the younger boy knew he was safe.

* * *

Sam let out a sigh of relief as he felt his brothers whole being wrap around him like a security blanket, Dean wasn't lost, he was right here and he let Deans words comfort him as he slowly woke up. He allowed himself a few moments to snuggle into his brothers embrace not quite ready to leave the safety he found there, he was waking slowly and blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

As he woke up more and the dream vanished he started to feel stupid, nightmares were for 6 year olds, not someone his age, yet they rarely went away. Sam had hoped as he grew up his nightmares would fade but the only time he slept well without them was when Dean was close to him. Of course he would rather eat his own toenails than admit that he needed his big brother to hold him whilst he slept, though part of him realized Dean was probably on to him.

He could feel sweat against his cheek and wondered if it was his or Deans, he could tell Dean had been working out and despite feeling bone tired and like he wanted to stand in the shower for a good hour he would have to do his own exercises routine too. He had been working out since he was young and it had a good effect on his body, he enjoyed how the morning routine prepared him physically and mentally, though he was still waiting to gain more muscle mass like Dean.

Sam thoughts briefly lingered on last night and what he had done, but he quickly pushed it away, though he no longer felt comfortable in his big brothers embrace. He squirmed away and forced a smile on his lips, " I'm ok, thanks."

He could see the concern written all over his brothers face and felt guilty, "it was just a stupid nightmare, no big deal." He knew it wasn't all that true, his nightmares were a big deal to him and they left him feeling washed out and on edge but he hated adding to Deans worries and acting like a baby.

He smiled a genuine smile this time as he thought of how Dean took care of him, "go get your shower," he pushed his brothers shoulder and stuck his tongue out " you stink."

* * *

Dean knew the nightmares were nothing new, but it never stopped him from worrying. Sam had been having them for as long as he could remember. He could remember holding his baby brother, sometimes all night, to keep him quiet when their father needed to sleep. He remembered waking up in the middle of the night to hearing his brother crying, and the only time Sammy could calm down and get back to sleep was when Dean climbed into the bed beside him. Practically wrapping himself around the younger boy, and hugging him tight.

It had been a while since he’d had to do that though. Usually Sam could sleep all right on his own, but occasionally his brother would still wake up like this, and Dean never complained when it happened. No matter how long he had to hold his brother until he calmed down or went back to sleep. He let the younger boy cling to him as long as he needed to, and he never teased or made fun of his brother afterwards. Because he knew Sammy would beat himself up enough, even if there was no reason to be ashamed.

Everyone had nightmares, even Dean, and it wasn’t as if he could blame his brother from having them. After everything they’d seen. He was just glad that he could help Sammy and make his brother feel safe. That meant more to him than he thought Sam would ever know.

It wasn’t long before his brother was awake enough to be embarrassed and began squirming away and Dean let him go. Returning the younger boy’s smile, and laughed a little when Sam shoved him a little. As he stood he dug his knuckles into the top of his brother’s head stuck his tongue out back at his brother.

“Yeah, yeah. You don’t exactly smell like roses either.” Dean teased back on his way to the bathroom. “Come on, get your skinny ass up.”

* * *

Sam felt his smile grow bigger as Dean let him brush off the nightmare, Dean was often the biggest ass in the world but he usually knew when his teasing would be more cruel than playful.

He rolled off the bed throwing a pillow at his brothers back, "I'm sure I smell awful like you considering you used me as your personal pillow and drooled all over me."

He smiled at his brother and pushed his hair out of his face, he hoped Dean would get that he was really thanking him for being there last night and this morning and for not being a jerk about his nightmares. "I'm not that skinny anymore, plus soon i will be taller than you."

Sometimes he wondered if Dean knew how much he appreciated and needed his big brothers support and love, he never really said it, mostly because Dean wouldn't let him if he tried but also because there were no words to say how thankful he was.

He could feel his brothers eyes on him as he pulled his sweat pants on but he ignored him and began his morning stretches ignoring the wave of tiredness that hit him and made him want to fall back into his bed.

It was then he thought of last night and how he hadn't slept in his bed, but Dean's, he felt a twinge in his groin and started his sit ups, not thinking of last night was the best thing, instead he focused on what they would decide to do, now that all leads to find their dad were gone.

* * *

Dean grinned as he felt the pillow hit his back before he could get through the bathroom door, and turned to flip his brother the bird.

“In your dreams, midget.” The older boy teased back, even though he knew Sam was probably right. The way the younger boy had been growing lately, like a fucking weed, his little brother would probably shoot right up past him in another year or two. Still, he wasn’t about to be admitting anything of the sort until it actually happened. Then he’d just have to think up another name to tease his younger brother with.

He nodded in approval when Sam started his morning exercises without Dean having to prompt him. His brother was actually pretty good about that, though sometimes getting him to learn a new fighting technique or hold that their Dad taught them was like trying to pull teeth.

Dean frowned a bit as he shut the bathroom door behind him and stripped down slowly. He guessed that wouldn’t be much of an issue. Not anymore. Because Dad wasn’t around anymore and there was no way they could continue hunting. Dean just couldn’t do both. He’d already tried. Trying to take care of his little brother and find their dad, he had managed it for a year, but now… he just couldn’t anymore. It was too much. He had to choose.

He almost felt like he was failing their father, but he wasn’t like Dad and if he had to choose between taking care of himself and Sammy, or hunting, and he chose to take care of Sammy.

It wouldn’t be easy. Dean didn’t have any illusions about that. They had been raised as hunters. That was all Dean really knew, all he was good at, and there certainly weren’t many jobs out there that required _those_ particular skills. To top it off he didn’t even have a high school diploma. But he was determined to find something, to make it work. For Sam. He’d find a job. Find them a place to live. Somewhere his brother could finish school and maybe even go off to college…

It wasn’t the life he imagined for himself, he’d never imagined a life without hunting. But then again, he’d never imagined a life without dad. And even if he _could_ somehow keep hunting and take care of his brother too… the chance that something could happen to him, like their father, and leave Sammy all alone… No, he couldn’t risk that.

Today was going to be the beginning of a new life, for both of them. Dean could only hope he could somehow make it work. For his brother’s sake, because that’s all that really mattered to him. Sammy was all he had left…

Because he’d taken a shower last night Dean only really got in the shower long enough to rinse the sweat off from this morning then dried himself quickly. Picking up his dirty clothes and wrapping a towel loosely around his waist before leaving the bathroom.

“Shower’s free.” He announced as he went over to his duffel. Shoving his dirty laundry to the bottom of the bag and then picking through the cleaner items at the top. Digging out a decent pair of jeans, a mostly clean t-shirt, and clean underwear, the older boy stripped off the towel and started to dress.

* * *

Sam was just finishing his morning routine as he heard the shower shut off, he was starting to wake up more and now he was thinking again about their situation, he didn't know what Dean planned to do. Part of him wanted to tell Dean they couldn't live like this anymore but he didn't want to put that kind of stress on to his big brother, Dean was doing his best. Still it didn't change things, they couldn't live this life without dad and he felt nervous because Dean would make the decision and whilst Sam would question it just because he always liked to consider all options, not just because he liked to bitch and moan like Dean often accused him of. Regardless though Sam would go with what his brother said, providing his plan wasn't to drop him at an orphanage and take up hunting full time.

His stomach clenched and he focused on sorting his bag out which was much more organized than his brothers so he easily found clean clothes. He knew his brother wouldn't just leave him alone with strangers and take off, but dad had friends, like pastor Jim and Uncle Bobby, people that would take Sam in. He couldn't help but worry that Dean would decide he couldn't take care of his baby brother whilst hunting, so he would chose hunting and leave Sam with someone he could trust.

Deans voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he looked up, the sight of his brother still wet from the shower and a towel low on his hips caused his stomach to clench in a completely different way. He had seen his brother naked plenty of times and had not took much notice other than observing the differences between his younger body and Deans as they grew up. Now however he couldn't help but watch his brother and notice how beautiful he was, he felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment at his thoughts and that his body was responding to the sight of his brother.

Just as Dean dropped the towel Sam all but ran for the bathroom not wanting to give his perverted mind even more to look at. Stripping off Sam scowled at his erection and turned the shower to freezing cold, he really needed to get past reacting like this or Dean would notice and then he would be shipped off. Sam carefully stepped into the cold spray trying to get used to the freezing water and feeling relieved when it worked on his erection but he was not all that pleased when he started shivering.

After his quick shower Sam grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist cursing that he had left his clothes in the bedroom. Shaking his head he and walked out the bathroom, he and Dean had never really been shy around each other so he didn't need to start now. Still he avoided looking in his brothers direction and tried to dress quickly without revealing too much skin. He couldn't understand why he was suddenly shy about being naked around his big brother but figured it was to do with his perverted little mind thinking of his brother in an unnatural way.

Maybe it was just him being a teenager and it was normal but of course he had no one to ask about it, Dean would freak out. He laughed to himself as he imagined Deans face as he explained to him, "So Dean you keep giving me erections and last night i imagined us rolling around the bed naked whilst masturbating, is that normal?"

Yeah that would not be happening anytime soon, or ever if he had his way, once dressed he looked over at Dean, he was happy to note he felt nothing abnormal, "so we getting breakfast first, or just skipping town?"

* * *

Dean was all but oblivious to his little brother’s hasty retreat to the bathroom. A million other things running through his mind enough to distract him, it was difficult enough to remember how to get dressed and tie his boots properly much less notice the younger boy’s sudden shyness.

The older boy finished getting ready long before the sound of the shower in the bathroom shut off, busying himself by picking up their few belongings around the room and shoving them into their respective bags. There wasn’t much considering his little brother was such a neat freak. But he made a few circuits around the room just to make sure they didn’t forget anything. They couldn’t afford to forget anything. The last item Dean packed was the large bowie knife Dad had given him on one of his birthdays that he always slept with under his pillow in case of a sudden unexpected attack in the night.

Then Dean sat down at the room’s small table to look over Sam’s homework he’d told the boy to finish by the time he got back. Not that he really needed to look it over, Sammy was a hell of a lot smarter than him after all, but he still liked doing it.

Dean smiled a little wistfully remembering when Sammy was much younger how his brother would always come for him for help with his homework whether the boy needed it or not. His brother was always much better about that kind of thing than he was. Where Dean couldn’t wait for his father to tell him to skip doing his homework so he could have target practice instead, Sam always protested. He remembered how excited Sam would get showing him his report cards that sometimes he never even whipped out for Dad and Dean would always tell him how proud he was.

Sammy always made him proud. Too bad Sam had such a screw up for a brother...

“Please, don’t let me fuck this up...” Dean offered a whispered prayer to anything willing to listen as he carefully placed the papers his brother had written into a large yellow envelope. They’d have to find a post office on the way out of town where they could drop them off at. When Dad had gone missing, Dean had enrolled his brother in a home schooling program so Sam could continue his studies even when they were moving around much more than normal looking for their father. Though it required a lot of trips to the post office and making sure their forwarding addresses were up to date, it was much easier than starting Sam in a new school every week. He’d have to remember to mail out a request for his brother’s grades for when they finally settled so Sam could enroll in a real school again.

Dean decided to start packing up the car and took his duffel out to the impala, throwing it into the trunk and taking some time to clean the trash out of the front seat of old fast food meals before he returned to the room. By that time his little brother had emerged from the bathroom and begun dressing. Again the older boy too distracted by his own thoughts to notice any discomfort from his brother.

“We can get breakfast before we leave town. I want some coffee anyway.” Dean replied, knowing he had at least enough cash left for food and gas, though he’d need to get more before the end of the day for a room for them to stay tonight. The older boy suddenly grinned a little.

“Maybe that old lady working there who’s in love with you will be there and we’ll get free pie again.” He couldn’t help but tease the younger boy because it had been so fucking funny. While Dean had been busy flirting with the hot young waitresses in the diner this old seventy year old grandmother had been all over his brother, pinching his cheeks, and telling him how adorable he was and how he looked exactly like her grandson. It was all he could do to keep a straight face as the younger boy had glared sullen daggers at him for not coming to his rescue. Sammy had been pissed for hours after that, but at least it had gotten them free pie.

* * *

Sam liked to consider himself mature for his age, with the life they lead it was difficult to remain an innocent naive child, still there were times his older brother reduced him to acting like a big immature kid. Right now was one of those times. He scowled at his brother and felt himself getting annoyed and then angry and part of him considered attacking his big brother but then he remembered the injury.

Sam felt his anger grow as his brother teased him, he hated being laughed at and that day had been humiliating, so flipping Dean off he grabbed his bag and stormed outside to the car. All thoughts of feeling wrong things about Dean were gone, there was no way he would ever feel anything more than hatred for such an ass like Dean. He only cared about him because he had to, he thought it unfair that his dad had allowed Dean to brainwash him all these years into thinking he loved and idolized his big brother.

As he leaned on the car brooding Sam knew it wasn't true but was too pissed at Dean to stop the pissy thoughts in his head, besides it wasn't like he would ever say it to Dean, he was never that angry. As Dean walked out Sam saw he was still laughing and it made his scowl deepen as he muttered "stupid jerk."

Despite being lost in his pissy mood Sam was able to realize that he once again felt comfortable with his brother, even if he did want to murder him by feeding him to werewolves, inch by inch. So even though he remained silent as the got in the car he felt some relief that things were back to normal, well normal for the Winchester brothers at least.

He was still the long suffering baby brother of Dean, 'I am the worlds biggest ass hole' Winchester and Sam had been brainwashed into loving the loser but did NOT have any other feelings other than mild disgust at his eating and bathing habits and his taste in music.

Sam decided he would pretend he no longer had a brother and ignore him forever, that idea made him smile a smug smile as he imagined Deans desperate plea to get him to talk to him. Which he really would because Dean was a sad loner that could not make friends, besides he was just jealous that the older waitress liked him more. Feeling content with his argument he slouched in the seat and watched the scenery go by as they drove to the diner.

* * *

Dean couldn’t help but laugh as his little brother flipped him the bird and then stormed out of the motel room in a huff. Sometimes it was really too easy to ruffle the younger boy’s feathers. Even the smallest things could set him off, kinda like now, and then Sam would spend the rest of the day being pissy with him or silently brooding.

Most of the time it amused the older boy to no end, but sometimes it was annoying too. Sam could literally pout for _days_ if he let him. Dean knew a lot of it probably had to do with hormones, but he swore he never used to be so moody at that age.

The older boy waited a few moments to see if his little brother would come back into the room, but when he didn’t, Dean rolled his eyes and figured it was time to go anyway. Rolling his eyes he grabbed the motel room keys to return to the reception office and followed his cranky little brother out the door. Just in time to overhear the younger boy’s soft murmur.

“Moody bitch.” Dean replied, making sure it was loud enough for his brother to hear, as he sat down in the driver’s seat of the Impala. Starting up the car and barely waiting for the younger boy to close the door before he drove around to the motel reception. Getting out again to return the keys quickly then got back into the car. Turning up the music loud before pulling onto the road that would take them to the diner they’d been eating at pretty much exclusively the entire time they’d been in town.

It took them less than five minutes to reach the diner and Dean got out of the car, not waiting for his pouting baby brother who would follow him inside if he was hungry enough. He found a booth and sat down. Sparing a glance around the small restaurant and was glad to see the old lady wasn’t working right now after all. That would have just put Sammy in an even fouler mood that would last for _weeks_.

Dean started flipping through the greasy menu, thankful again how cheep the prices of the food was and they gave descent portions too.

“Order what you want, but keep it under ten dollars.” He told the younger boy anyway, because he only had a twenty left in his wallet and Dean needed to make sure they had enough to get at least a tank of gas and maybe a small lunch. He would definitely have to find someplace before it got too late where he could hustle some pool for more cash. If he even won a hundred dollars that would at least pay for a room tonight, as well as dinner and breakfast tomorrow morning for his brother.

When the waitress finally came to take their order, Dean changed his mind and just ordered a black coffee for himself. He wasn’t all that hungry right now and it would leave them a little more cash for lunch today.

* * *

Sam slowly followed his older brother still pissed off with his teasing, he warily glanced around for the old waitress and felt relieved when she wasn't anywhere to be seen. Still he slumped into the seat opposite his brother as if waiting for an unexpected attack from a granny type figure. Sam grunted as Dean ordered him to keep it under ten dollars and started reading through the menu pulling faces at the heart attack inducing food. He hated these places they always served greasy fatty foods that he liked now and then, but not everyday.

He felt guilty as Dean ordered just a coffee and wondered if Dean wasn't eating because he couldn't afford to feed them both. He suddenly felt like an ass for getting so annoyed over something so small and for moaning about the nasty diners. They may be nasty but they were cheap which was why they ate in places like this. Dean loved his food so much more than Sam did, so it seemed wrong that he wouldn't be eating and again Sam felt guilty as he mumbled his order, "scrambled eggs and pancakes please." He knew that order came large enough so that half of it would fill him and he could leave the rest, hopefully Dean would eat it.

His anger had vanished as he was reminded how much his big brother took care of him and he smiled at Dean looking unsure, maybe Dean would be pissed at him, " so, uh whats the plan."

He tried to ignore the little voice that sounded just like Dean that told him he was being dumped at pastor Jim's for the next few years, his brother wouldn't do it, would he?

* * *

Dean raised an eyebrow at the unexpected question from the younger boy sitting across from him. Unexpected because usually when his brother was in a full on pout it took him a little longer and with a lot more begging on Dean’s part to break the ice. He wasn’t about to complain though and returned the other boy’s smile warmly. He hadn’t missed his brother’s somewhat hesitant tone, and wanted Sam to know he wasn’t mad. Even if the younger boy could be a really moody bitch sometimes.

“Well, I figure we’ll drive for a bit until we find a town with a decent library with free internet access. The one here blows. Then while I find a bar with some decent pool games going, little brother, you are on research duty.”

The food came really quick and Dean thanked the waitress and took a grateful sip of his cup of caffeine before he continued.

“You are going to use your mad researching skills to find us a place we can crash. Look up costs of living, schools in the area. Somewhere we can live cheap that aren’t the slums and you can go to a decent school. Your also gonna figure out what kinds of jobs I can get that don’t require a high school diploma. Don’t worry, I’ll help you after I win us some more cash. Think you can handle that, Sammy?”

* * *

Sam was glad Dean wasn't pissed at him, but he couldn't help the inward sigh as his brother answered his question, it looked like Dean planned to continue their life as hunters for now at least. He would probably be stuck researching anything supernatural and anything connecting to dad whilst Dean would hustle money for their next crappy motel room.

The food came and Sam poked at it half-hearted, feeling stupid for wishing things would change, he really wasn't all that hungry anymore, still he took a few mouthfuls.

Sam was shocked by what Dean said next and mid chew tried to ask his big brother if he was serious but he somehow managed to swallow his food and started choking and coughing madly. Once he dislodged the food he couldn't stop the excited grin that spread across his face as he played Deans words over in his head, no he hadn't imagined it Dean was offering him what he had always wanted, "your serious?" he still needed to make sure he wasn't day dreaming or dead from choking on the egg.

He couldn't really wait for an answer his mind running away with him as well as his mouth and he was practically bouncing in his seat with excitement, "we are going to have a home?" He looked at his brother in awe, he had never dared imagine his brother would give him his life long dream, it just seemed too good to be true, they were finally going to have a home.

* * *

Dean’s eyebrows shot up as his little brother began to cough, choking a little on his food that had obviously gone down the wrong way. Well, he wasn’t sure what reaction he’d been expecting, but that certainly hadn’t been it. Concerned, he almost rose to start smacking the younger boy on the back, but Sam seemed to quickly recover from his mishap on his own.

Then the younger boy was beaming at him like Dean had just offered him the whole world on a silver platter and the older boy actually felt his heart flutter in his chest. He wasn’t sure if he had _ever_ seen his brother look so happy before and it was a little… overwhelming…

Especially when the younger boy asked him with all innocence if they were going to have a ‘home’. Home to Dean had always been with his father and brother, it hadn’t meant where they were at the time as long as he was with his family. Sam was all he had left in this world, and Dean knew he couldn’t take care of his brother the way they had been living. It was time to try something else.

God, but he didn’t want to get the younger boy’s hopes up too much. Just seeing how excited and happy his brother was made him feel inadequate knowing how monumental the task before him would probably be… He had a feeling he’d only get one shot at this and didn’t want to screw this up. Especially when it was the only way they could probably stay together. A family…

“Well, it might still have to be motels and rented rooms for a little while until we get some money saved up. But, yeah, I hope so, Sammy…” He said, offering his brother a hesitant smile.

* * *

Sam tried to control his excitement especially as he saw how hesitant Dean was, sure it would be difficult and for once it looked like Dean was the one being practical not him. Still it was easy to brush over all the potential problems when something he had wanted for so long was being offered, he felt like maybe he had to convince his brother it was a great idea.

He managed to reduce his grin to a big smile and started talking out loud, "yeah we need a plan but don't worry, I can sort out the plans and research everything we need to get set up and we shouldn't need so much money to get set up, will probably work out cheaper than all the money we pay out for motels and junk food."

Sam started to daydream a little about how they could save tons of money by actually buying groceries and making meals not constantly buying take out food, he imagined learning to cook and how fun it would be to have a meal ready for when Dean got home from work. That thought made him look at his brother, a job may prove a problem Dean was not dumb at all and would learn quick but they would need to find someone willing to take him on without paying him a rubbish wage.

"I'm sure we will find you a job with someone that wont try to scam you on pay, you have plenty of skills a job wont be a problem, I can even get a part time job."

It was true a job would not be a problem they had learnt a lot form their dad so they could impersonate professions, still a full time job day in day out somehow did not suit his big brother. Dean had always taken to this life of moving around hunting things and for a moment Sam felt his excitement waiver, this would be a big sacrifice for his brother to give up this life.

Looking at his brother he frowned slightly, "are you sure you want to do this Dean? what about hunting?"

Sam wanted to kick himself for voicing his doubts that may lead to his brother taking back the dream offer of a home but he had to be sure Dean wanted this in some way even if he was unsure. Sam hated to think that Dean would come to regret the decision and end up resenting him for making him give up hunting and settle down, working a crappy job. Now Sam wasn't so sure this dream life was possible he wasn't even sure he wanted to see Dean tied down to that kind of life, it was his dream, not his brothers.

His smile was completely gone now and he felt sure he had to argue against his dream, "what about hunting, and dad? we cant just walk away from that, can we?"

* * *

Dean could see his brother trying hard to tamper down his excitement and it made him feel rather guilty, because wasn’t this what he wanted? To find a way for them to stay together? For Sammy to be happy? The younger boy obviously was at the news alone, so that just proved this was the right thing to do. Right? So he should be happy too…

He did try to smile as the younger boy happily began talking about plans they would have to make. Money would definitely be an issue, but he had to agree with Sam that it would probably be easier to save in the long run because eating out and motel rooms _were_ expensive. Dean had certainly learned that. Of course it would be extremely hard in the beginning because they wouldn’t have the benefit of fake credit cards and scams to help them along either. They couldn’t risk getting caught doing that kind of thing by the local authorities, taking Sam away from him and most likely carting him off to jail too…

Dean sighed and forced himself to stop thinking about the worst case scenarios. This was what they needed to do. Dean had already accepted it was necessary, for his brother. He’d brought the possibility up for god’s sake. So he did not know why he was feeling this way… In fact, he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling. It wasn’t disappointment that they wouldn’t be hunters anymore or fear of the unknown, though he couldn’t deny those feelings either. Hunting was important to him, yes, but his brother was more important. He wasn’t worried about disappointing Dad. He had a feeling this was what their father would have wanted him to do. So…

The best he could describe it as was… a weight settling down on his shoulders he hadn’t ever felt before. Similar to when Dad had first disappeared and at seventeen years old he realized he was now solely responsible for taking care of his little brother. Making sure they had food to eat, and a place to sleep, all the while searching for their missing father. The weight of that responsibility had been crushing at first but he’d adapted and learned to live with it. Those responsibilities hadn’t changed, of course, but now was the added pressure of learning how to live a life he’d never experienced before or imagined for them. Knowing that if he failed he would loose everything that mattered to him…

Maybe this was just what growing up felt like. Not being a ‘kid’ anymore. Being responsible… He wasn’t sure he liked the feeling, but then again, he’d learned a lot of lessons in his life as a hunter and one of them was a lot of shit happened in this world that you might not like but had to life with. Time to start applying some of those lessons to the ‘real’ world, he supposed.

Dean was drawn out of his thoughts by the younger boy’s questions. What about Dad? What about hunting? Sam certainly wasn’t smiling anymore, and the older boy wanted to kick himself for getting lost in his own doubts and fears when he should be reassuring his little brother. So he pushed them aside to deal with on his own time as he smiled at the younger boy genuinely.

“I don’t think hunting is working out too well for us, without Dad. So we might as well try something else, right?” Dean began, but then decided making light of the situation probably wasn’t the best way to convince the other boy. Not that Sam needed convincing, he was sure. Sam’s protests were for his benefit, he knew, so he had to convince his brother that he wanted this too.

“I think Dad would understand. Would want us to stick together…” The older boy paused and switched gears again. He didn’t want Sam to think he was just doing this for Dad. No, it was for _them_. He looked at his brother intently. “ _I_ want us to stick together. So, yeah, I’m sure about this, Sammy. It’ll take some adjusting, but we can do this.”

Then Dean nodded, as though it was decided, and pointed to the younger boy’s forgotten plate.

“Eat up. We’ve got a lot to do today.”

* * *

Sam felt a flutter of excitement return as Dean talked about hunting not working out too well for them but he wondered if he was just using that as an excuse, he couldn't believe Dean really wanted a normal life away from hunting, no matter what he said. Still Sam knew his brother well enough to know his mind was made up, they would be sticking together. The happiness and relief flooded through him, he didn't much care what they did as long as they were together. sure he hated the life they had but if he could have a normal family life but it meant no Dean, then he didn't want to know.

He looked at his brother and nodded slowly, "as long as we stick together, I'm up for anything," he meant it too. If they could make a home work for them then Sam would get his dream come true but if it didn't work out they could always go back to hunting. Sam would do it if it meant being with Dean, if Dean was going to give this life a try for him he would return to hunting if it didn't work out.

He pushed the plate with half his food on it to Dean, "I'm full, don't let it go to waste."

Scratching his finger nail over the plastic surface he controlled his excited feelings and went into practical mode, "if we do this Dean, we can't just turn our backs on hunting forever or forget about dad." He saw the annoyed look on his brothers face and quickly rushed his words out. "I'm not saying that's what you want us to do, just that we know too much to ever forget this life, I'm not saying you go off tracking down leads to find dad or that we regularly hunt, just that we should keep ourselves a part of this world too."

He smirked at the look of disbelief on his brothers face, "yeah I know, this coming from me probably sounds...... strange, but the people we save are the people we are going to become, i guess i just don't want to be caught with my pants down if a demon comes knocking. Besides dad may still be alive and may need our help in the future, we should be on the look out for any clues or messages from him and be ready if we need to fight."

Sam sat patiently watching his older brother knowing that what he just said was the last thing he expected but Sam was practical and thought things through and this life scared the crap out of him. He doubted those fears would vanish with a nice home and a regular school, those things would still be out there. Plus should the home life not work out then they would still be trained up to go back into hunting.

It was a sacrifice Sam would gladly pay if his brother was willing to sacrifice so much for him, of course now wasn't the time to tell Dean that hunting was always an option if this failed, but at least now he knew that Sam would of course fight if their dad needed them or if anything supernatural turned up selling cookies. They would be prepared which was what John had drilled into them both over the years, so yeah they could give the dream, or more rightly his dream a go but they couldn't slack off and pretend they hadn't witnessed everything they had over the years.

If Sam was truthful to himself one of the big reasons he didn't want to let go of this life was that despite wanting a home with Dean he couldn't see it happening forever. So he would be content with what he got as long as he kept in the back of his mind that one day it would be over and they would go back to hunting. That way the heartache would be less when he lost his dream.

* * *

Dean smiled and nodded in agreement to his little brother’s words. Glad that he and the younger boy were in agreement about this, at least.

Though when Sam pushed his half eaten plate of food towards him, saying he was full, the older boy lifted an eyebrow. Studying his brother for a moment as though trying to see if he were telling the truth or just saying that. Finally he simply shrugged as he pulled the plate closer and picked up his fork.

Might as well not let it go to waste…

He ate while Sam talked, and quite frankly he was shocked. Dean had been sure that once he offered this to his brother, Sam would have been all white-picket-fences the whole way. Leaving hunting completely behind, only remembering it as a bad dream or something.

But the way his brother was talking, he seemed like he still wanted to keep on training. To ‘be ready’ in case Dad came back or something evil ended up finding them whether they were hunting it or not. While Dean knew that was the smart thing, and was planning on doing it himself, to be prepared, to make sure his brother stayed safe while they attempted to form a ‘normal’ life. He was still surprised to hear Sam suggest it though.

Dean smiled with no small amount of pride at the younger boy, and he nodded again.

“Sounds like a plan to me, Sammy.” The older boy said as he popped the last piece of pancake into his mouth and finished off his coffee. He stood up then and threw some bills down on the table to pay for their meal.

“Let’s go.”

***

Dean was lost in his own thoughts as they drove down the highway. The older boy trying to decide how far they should go, or could go, on what gas they had left in the tank before he had to spend what little cash they had left to fill it up. Wondering if they would even make it to a town large enough to have a decent library facility, and a decent bar that Dean could get into where he could hustle up some pool for extra cash.

Of course the older boy had learned quickly over the last year that there were… other ways… of earning money quickly, when he was desperate enough to do it. To make sure that Sam had enough to eat and they had a place to sleep at night. That was always a last resort though. Hell, he’d pickpocket usually before he resorted to that, but sometimes he simply had no choice.

The older boy had a feeling he was going to have to resort to it much more often over the next several weeks or months. In order to afford a place for them to live, a permanent place, and what if he couldn’t find a decent job quickly?

No, he might not enjoy doing it, but money was money, and he’d done a lot worse in his life than taking money for sex.

Thankfully they only had to drive for a couple of hours until they finally came to a town large enough he thought would suit their needs. Finding the library was easy, and he dropped his brother off in front of it. Telling him he was going to get them some more cash and he’d be back in two or three hour’s tops.

He also stressed that the younger boy had better not go wandering off and if he wasn’t there when Dean got back his butt would be black and blue. Never mind that he’d never actually spanked Sam before, never needed to no matter how much a pain in the ass his little brother was, but there was always time for a first time. Never mind that his brother was fourteen years old now.

Not that his brother couldn’t take care of himself when the situation called for it, but Dean would rather not take that chance since the younger boy was prone to finding trouble whether he was looking for it or not.

After Dean left the younger boy at the library, he drove until he found a decent looking bar, smiling he grabbed his fake ID from the glove box and went to work. Two and a half hours later Dean returned to the library with a grin and two hundred and fifty dollars in his wallet.

At the first bar he’d only made seventy five on pool games before the bartender had decided to shoo him out, because he was ‘trouble’. The next bar he went to, he’d made another hundred and twenty five hustling, which was more than Dean had hoped to make in the short time period, so he was happy.

The last fifty had come from a guy who’d caught him on the way out and offered to give him fifty bucks for a blowjob. Fifty bucks was three or four meals for his brother and a tank of gas for an extra five, maybe ten, minutes work, so Dean had done it. Rinsing his mouth out in the bathroom and pocketing the extra cash before heading back to the library.

As he walked into the library now, looking around for his brother's unmistakable mop of hair, he hoped Sam had as much luck as he'd had.

* * *

Sam shouldered his backpack and made his way into the large library as his brother drove off in search of funds they needed, Sam tried to not dwell on where Dean would get the money from, it would just worry him and he had to try and plan their future. He tried to ignore the girly butterflies n his stomach at the thought of their home but couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face, they could have a real home he just had to figure out how this could be done.

He waited patiently at the reception which is when he realized someone was watching him, an older guy dressed well was smiling at him, Sam felt paranoid until he realized he had been grinning like a fool when he walked in her so the guy must have misunderstood. Trying not to be rude Sam gave the guy a half smile and then asked the receptionist about a computer terminal.

As Sam set to work researching for his and Deans new life he forgot about the guy that had been smiling at him and so missed that the guy was still watching him as he researched local towns for schools, jobs and homes for rent. At first it seemed like they would never find anywhere all the houses were new and over priced and all the jobs either paid too little or required to much experience. Just as he found somewhere that looked interesting the guy from before sat next to him in the other chair and gestured to his computer screen, "looking for a place to stay?"

It was an innocent enough question but the way this guy said it sent every alarm bell ringing inside Sam, this guy was not just being polite anymore and Sam felt a sudden uneasiness as he thought of what this guy wanted from him. Sam was trying for the ignore approach but it didn't seem the guy was taking the hint, "you don't have to ignore me now, I'm just bein friendly." Again the words were harmless but the way the guy looked him up and down made his skin crawl and he suddenly wished Dean were here. He felt stupid needing Dean to come protect him from some pervert but give him werewolves any day over this awkward situation, he wasn't used to people noticing him this way no one usually looked twice once they saw Dean.

He pulled his chair further away and stared hard at the screen, "my brother will be here soon and he wont like me talking to you." He hoped the guy got the message now, it seemed he didn't entirely as he laughed as he walked away "catch you later then cutey."

It took Sam a while after that to get back into his research, he was too busy watching where the creep was and making sure he didn't sneak up on him, but by the time Dean find him he felt fairly happy with what he had found, two towns not too far with decent schools, both had jobs going for mechanics and the houses were cheap. There were some other runner ups with various jobs that paid decent but mechanic would be best, Dean would be happier working on cars than anything. The homes for rent were probably run down and old but nothing they couldn't fix up together, he smiled as he saw Dean coming, he liked the idea of doing their home up together.

* * *

Dean finally spotted Sam over by the public computers, the younger boy catching sight of him at about the same time, and Dean wasted no time heading over to where his brother was sitting. Grinning as he pulled a chair over from one of the other terminals and sitting backwards on it.

“So, we’re two hundred and fifty bucks richer, bro. Might have to hit some more places before we leave. Easy pickings. So, find anything?” Dean asked as he leaned over to take a look at the other boy’s computer screen and the stuff Sam had printed out.

Resting his arm across the back of Sam’s chair, his fingers lightly brushing against his brother’s neck.

* * *

Sam grinned as his brother sat down and told him about the money, it was obvious Dean wasn't hurt and he looked fairly relaxed so the money must have been easy money from playing pool. "That's great, I have found some potential leads, here take a look at this." Sam handed over some of the print outs to his brother about the two towns with jobs for Dean, good schools and low rent.

He relaxed into his brother and smiled, "plenty of mechanic jobs going and you know plenty about cars, the houses will probably be run down but i thought we could work on it together to make it ours." Sam let his eyes fall shut he felt good about what he had found and settled back in his chair shivering as Deans fingers brushed his neck, he felt himself relax next to his brother his earlier tensions fading now he knew Dean was here to look out for him.

Remembering his earlier run in with the creep made Sam snap his eyes open and the tension returned to his body as he looked around for the guy hoping he wouldn't be anywhere to be seen. He scowled as the guy looked right back at him and waved before winking at him and he suddenly felt a great need to be out of the library.

"Lets go Dean, we can look at this stuff in the car," he started packing his things away ignoring the puzzled look his big brother was giving him.

* * *

Dean leaned in closer to the younger boy, taking a look at the printouts that Sam handed him and he had to admit he was impressed. His brother had always been great at the researching aspect of hunting. It was probably the one thing about the ‘job’ that Sam seemed to enjoy, and his brother was definitely good at it. But Dean had still been a little doubtful the younger boy would find what they needed, more because he doubted it was even out there, than because he doubted his brother’s researching skills.

But as he read over the information, about the schools for Sam in fairly decent looking neighborhoods, rents on houses they might actually be able to afford, not to mention when his brother mentioned the jobs for mechanics needed. Dean couldn’t stop the grin from breaking out on his face. And here he’d been afraid he’d be stuck working at Walmart or hellhole. But if he could get a job at one of these garages as a mechanic…

“God damn, Sammy, this is great.” Dean said, but then suddenly he felt the younger boy tense up underneath his hand and he looked at Sam questioningly.

“What is it?” He asked, looking around as Sam had done and frowning when he caught sight of a man looking at them but quickly looking away once Dean’s eyes met his. The older boy looked at his brother quickly packing up his stuff, avoiding his eyes, and then back to the man. Dean’s eyes narrowing as he stood up.

“Did that asshole do something to you?” Dean finally asked, his voice low and dangerous.

* * *

Sam allowed himself a smile at how pleased Dean really was about the potential jobs on offer but felt it fall from his face at Deans question. He should have known Dean would notice something was up, he watched Sam like a hawk and Sam hadn't been able to hide how tense this guy made him.

He just wasn't used to anyone looking at him that way. He wasn't stupid he knew about sex and knew that he may be attractive to some people, he just didn't know how to handle it. It might have been different if the guy wasn't so much older than him, but someone Deans age, but yeah that guy was too old. It was sick and made him feel dirty when he thought what the guy wanted with him.

He could feel his cheeks burning under Dean's intense gaze as he tried but failed to shrink in on himself, his voice was quiet and unsure, "it's nothing Dean, I handled it."

He knew his brother wouldn't let it go and when he felt Dean's hand stopping him from walking away. He sighed looking anywhere but at his big brother and feeling about 8 years old instead of 14.

"He just... well I... I think he was hitting on me," he really wanted the ground to open up and swallow him now, "I didn't like it and I told him to leave me alone which he has, so don't cause a scene."

He looked in his brother's eyes, now unable to read them, but trying to tell him how much he just wanted them to walk out of here with no problems, "Please Dean, lets just go?" He didn't want his brother fighting and risking getting hurt or into trouble over something so stupid, he slipped his hand into Dean's and tugged him gently, "please?"

* * *

To say that Dean Winchester was a little pissed off was like saying a werewolf was just a little puppy. The older boy was absolutely furious. Actually, murderous would probably be a better word as he watched his little brother squirm underneath his gaze, haltingly admit to the fucking pervert having put the moves on him.

That guy… His fourteen year old little brother…

Don’t cause a scene? A _scene_. No, he wasn’t going to cause a scene. He was just going reach down his throat and rip out the guy’s lungs! That’s all!

He took all of two steps, the expression on his face harder and more deadly then when he was hunting, when he felt Sam’s hand grip his and hold tight. The younger boy’s eyes looking up at him wide and pleading, and while it didn’t make his rage dissipate it helped Dean get a little better handle on it.

Thinking what might happen to Sam if he was arrested or something for assaulting the bastard in a public library. Even if the guy was a fucking pervert, it wasn’t like he could prove it, and that was trouble he and Sam just didn’t need right now.

So instead Dean picked up his brother’s book bag and wrapped his arm around the younger boy’s shoulders. Tucking Sam in close to his body, protectively, as he led them quickly outside to the car before he could change his mind about castrating the asshole right here and now.

“Did he touch you?” Dean finally asked, his voice devoid of emotion and all the more dangerous because of it. Because if Sam answered ‘yes’ there would be nothing stopping him from hunting the bastard down and skinning him alive slowly.

* * *

Sam was shocked at the anger he felt rolling off his brother in waves and he hated how it scared him, his brother and his father both had the same anger that would turn them both into deadly killers when they were hunting. It was needed and Sam got that even if he had never really felt himself become that way but right now Deans deadly anger was not needed the guy had been a creep but he didn't deserve to die, did he? He hated how close Dean seemed to losing control and whilst he would never fear his brother even in hunter mode he feared that his brother too lost in anger would one day get himself killed.

So when he felt Dean wrap protectively around him he didn't fight it instead took comfort in the protective warmth of his big brother and tried to stop himself shaking, he could feel the tension in his brother and he hated that he had caused this, he was so stupid sometimes. As he sat in the car feeling cold now Deans warmth was gone he felt himself shaking even more and tried to get a grip, his dad would pitch a fit if he could see how pathetic he was being right now just because Dean was angry. But Dean was something to be feared, he was dangerous when like this and Sam had only ever seen him this way on a hunt, that kind of anger didn't belong here or did it? he felt so confused, did a guy deserve to die because of him when really no harm was done.

The cold tone of Deans voice as he asked him if the guy had touched him told Sam all he needed to know, Dean would kill the guy if he had and the realization that he could control someones death with a simple word made Sam's stomach churn and his eyes burn with un shed tears. Swallowing past the lump in his throat he whispered, "no Dean, he didn't."

It was the truth, the guy had got close enough for Sam to smell him but he had not touched him, looking at his brothers tense face Sam realized even if he had touched him, he wouldn't have told Dean the truth and that thought finally made the tears fall.

* * *

On some level Dean knew he was probably overreacting. A lot. Especially since Dean himself had let various perverts do a hell of a lot worse than look or leer at him for cash. But this was different. For one, he wasn't only fourteen years old, and another, this was Sammy. _His_ Sammy. His baby brother, he was supposed to protect, and just the thought of that motherfucker putting his hands on his brother…

He knew a part of the anger he felt, beyond being pissed off at the pervert, he was pissed off at himself for leaving his brother in the library alone. Because Dean _wasn't_ there to protect him, even though nothing had happened, if something had…

Dean looked over at his brother when Sam finally whispered his answer to his question. Trying to discern whether or not his brother was telling him the truth, but seeing the tears coursing down his baby brother's cheeks. Seeing the way Sammy trembled… Like he was afraid… not of the creep, the bastard was still inside the library, they were alone… him. Christ, Sam was afraid of him. The older boy felt his anger drain away in a rush leaving him feeling cold as his expression twisted with pain like a knife in his gut. The idea that Sammy could _ever_ be afraid of him…

"Sammy…" Dean started to reach out for his brother and then stopped. The feeling of the knife twisting in his stomach a little more when he realized he wasn't even sure if his brother would want his touch. If he'd only make Sam more afraid.

"I'm sorry…"

* * *

Sam was trying hard to control his tears when his brother whispered his name in a way that made his heart clench, it sounded like it hurt him to say his name and Sam didn't miss the way Dean stopped himself from reaching out to him. For a few seconds he felt hurt that his big brother didn't want to touch him but then the apology hit home and Sam knew Dean had got things twisted as he tended to do.

It took Sam a second to clear the space between them, landing heavily in his brothers lap and wrapping his arms around him tight, he mumbled against his neck not wanting to let go, "i'm sorry, just can't lose you too, no one is worth that."

* * *

Dean was shocked and confused for a second to suddenly find himself with a lap full of his baby brother, but only for a second. A heartbeat later his arms were around the younger boy, embracing his brother fiercely as realization dawned why Sam had been afraid and equal amounts of relief and shame left him feeling weak inside.

“God, Sammy… no, never. You’ll never lose me. Never…” Dean swore as he held onto the younger boy even tighter. Threading his fingers through his brother’s soft curls and cradling Sam in his lap, not caring in the least how they might look to anyone passing by them in the car.

“I’m sorry, Sammy. I just… the thought of him looking at you like that. Touching you… I’m sorry for getting so pissed, but I…” Dean knew he wasn’t doing a good job explaining, and any excuse he made wasn’t really good enough either. Because Sam was right. He had to look out for his brother, damn it, and he couldn’t do that if he got himself arrested or something. If he did something stupid, they could easily take his brother away from him, and he couldn’t allow that. He wouldn’t.

That didn’t mean he was going to just stop looking out for his brother or protecting Sammy. Oh hell no. But he couldn’t just fly off the handle like he’d almost done. Usually he _did_ have more control than that, but…

“It won’t happen again, ok? I promise. I’m not leaving you, Sammy. Ever.” Dean whispered, kissing his brother's cheek softly.

* * *

Sam relaxed into his brothers embrace as he felt Deans anger vanish as quick as it came and Sam was happy that Dean wasn't going to go off and do something dangerous so he relaxed completely knowing he was probably squashing his big brother but not caring, it felt too good to be held like this. Deans words made him tighten his hold on his brother trying to get closer, he couldn't ever lose Dean he knew he wouldn't survive. Hearing Dean agreeing so strongly made him feel so loved his heart suddenly felt too big for his chest and he found he couldn't find the words to let his brother know what he meant to him.

Sighing softly Sam brushed his fingers over the soft short hair at the nape of his brothers neck trying to show Dean instead, he always felt so relaxed and good when Dean stroked his hair like he was now. Sam listened to Dean trying to apologize, Sam hated that Dean was apologizing for looking out for him and he did understand to some degree so he shook his head, "it's OK Dean."

He knew it wasn't really OK, it was still confusing why Dean had got so angry because whilst he knew that guy was a creep sooner or later someone was going to find him attractive and make a comment Dean couldn't always react this way. So it was a relief when Dean promised to never do it again but Sam had to make sure so pulled back to look at his brother whilst his fingers still played with the short hair smiling at the soft kiss. "Good, because i know i don't get attention like you do but it might happen again," he couldn't control the flush that spread on his cheeks, "if it does you need to stay in control." He knew Dean hated being told what he had to do so tried to lighten the mood a little, "unless of course I give you the all clear to attack."

* * *

Dean closed his eyes with a soft sigh when he felt the younger boy’s fingers stroking the back of his neck gently. Helping him relax, even as it made a warm shiver pass through his body that wasn’t unpleasant in the least. It might have even felt a little too good, but the older boy wasn’t really thinking about that when his younger brother pulled back to look into his eyes. So close they were almost all that Dean could see.

The older boy wondered if Sam even realized how it wasn’t the same. There was a _huge_ difference between that fucking pervert in the library, and say a little teenage girl who might think his baby brother was cute. For one, Sam was only fourteen, damn it. That man had been at least in his forties, and it was _clearly_ obvious that his brother was under age. The guy wasn’t just being friendly. He’d obviously made Sam uncomfortable. He was a fucking predator. Plain and simple, and though Dean knew that his brother could handle himself, what about some other poor kid he decided to go after with the intent on molesting them?

No. _This_ was not going to happen again. Not anything like it. Not to Sam. Dean was going to make sure of it. Though he had to smile and chuckle a little, when his brother mentioned giving him the ‘all clear’ to attack. Like he was some kind of damn guard dog.

Dean poked his brother in the ribs with a mock growl, then swatted the younger boy’s butt lightly to get him to move off his lap back into the passenger seat. Before someone walking by thought _he_ was the damn pervert.

“Buckle up.” He told his brother as he fished his cell phone out of his pocket. Calling information first, and then the local sheriff’s office once he got the number. Giving them the description of the pervert and how he was trying to pick up kids at the local library and that they might want to check it out. Dean hoped at least that would be enough to stop the guy before he really did molest some innocent twelve year old or something.

Dean hung up the phone then and started the car. Pulling out of the parking lot and keeping his eyes open as he drove for a place they could crash for the night.

“How about after we find a motel we order a pizza for lunch? Large with everything on it? Then we can go over the info you found.“

* * *

Sam felt himself smile as his words had the desired effect, he loved seeing his brother laugh, the poke to his ribs came as a surprise and made him jump and scream Deans name. Sam grinned as he slid into his own seat feeling himself blush as he realized he had been sitting on his brother again, he hoped Dean didn't start thinking he was doing it on purpose, the last two days had just been emotional. Sam ignored the warm fuzzy feelings that were caused by being close to Dean, he really could not handle those feelings and the confusion and guilt that came with them at this moment or maybe ever.

Sam buckled up and looked confused as Dean got out his cell, it wasn't often he was shocked by his big brother and he had long since grown out of his hero worship feelings, or so he liked to think. Still as he realized how his brother was doing what he could to protect other kids, Sam felt a burst of pride explode in his chest and wanted to tell everyone they met that yes, this is his big brother and yes he is wonderful. He couldn't contain the grin or the laughter that escaped as he imagined what Dean would say if he knew how sometimes like right now, his baby brother saw him as some kind of superhero, Dean the defender. Sam was all out giggling as he imagined Dean in tights and a cape, pink and purple of course.

Grinning wide Sam looked at his brother again letting himself really look at Dean in open admiration, he really had the best big brother in the world, "large with everything sounds great," cause though sometimes Sam preferred less toppings, tonight he decided, Dean could have whatever he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

  
After stopping at a gas station to fill up the car and get a few sodas and snacks with his recently acquired cash, they found a room at a motel on the outskirts of the town. Sure the place was a little run down, wallpaper peeling and stains on the ceiling, but no more than any other place they'd stayed in the last year.   


  
The rooms were cheap at least and cheap was what they needed most right now. 

Dean ordered them a pizza, large with everything on it just like he said, and ten minutes later they had the pizza box open on the bed between them. Various papers, print outs, and notes his brother had gotten from the library scattered on top of the comforter in front of them. 

He had a slice of pizza in one hand while he read over the description of a possible place for rent in the other. Again, Dean couldn't help but think what a great job Sam had done with his research. There were some really good options for them here, as far as the older boy could see. Course it would really all depend on if he could get a decent job… still this was looking a lot more optimistic than he'd imagined.

"So, Sammy… got any favorites you want to check out first?" Dean asked as he picked up another printout. This one was only about a couple hours drive from where they were now.    


* * *

Sam felt happy and chilled out which was why he was having trouble focusing on the information they were looking at. The pizza was good despite it having everything on it and he was warm, the beds were comfy and they were discussing their future life, so yeah he felt happy and relaxed and couldn't control the yawn that escaped despite it still being early.

Finishing his pizza slice and rubbing his eyes, he focused on some of the information because even though he was sleepy, he really wanted to discuss their plans, "they both look good, but we should probably focus more on the job side of things, maybe we should try that one." He pointed to the printout Dean was holding, "it's not too far, schools are good and houses are decent enough, plus the garage is a small company, they are more likely to take you on without checking your background too closely."

He grabbed another slice of pizza, "maybe we could drive down tomorrow check out the job and the potential of the area and go from there? oh we need to get some documents sorted out too on the way to prove you can do the job."

Sam grinned and grabbed his notepad and started to write a list of what they needed to do, lists always made him feel organized and in control because he could see what needed to be done and could check it off as its done. "We need to get some info together for my school too, i need to get all my old grades, oh and we need to decide who we are going to be, we should stay Sam and Dean so we don't slip up but is it safe too stay Winchesters? I would prefer that, plus dad would be able to find us that way."

He fell silent, thinking of his dad made him feel a little guilty for being so excited about their new life, they were only getting this because their dad was gone. As much as he wanted him back, Sam knew he would be disappointed if he walked through that door now, destroying their dream before it began and that made him feel angry at himself for being so selfish. He knew Dean would hate him if he knew what he felt because for his big brother their dad coming back was his dream not this apple pie life Sam was planning.

He tried to keep on track not wanting Dean to question what was wrong, "hey, once we are settled I will be able to get a part time job too to help with bills and stuff," Sam really wanted to be able to do that but he knew Dean would not be happy, " is there anything I'm missing off the list?"

* * *

Dean nodded to his little brother in agreement, stuffing his last bite of pizza into his mouth and licking his greasy fingers clean. Sam had a point. Wasn’t much use looking at the houses until he found a job to pay for one, of course if they couldn’t find a place cheap enough to live, the job would be useless too…

The older boy sighed. Why did this all have to be so difficult? Give him hustling pool, motels, and credit card scams any day. Of course, if that had been working out for them, then they wouldn’t need to be doing this.

Fuck, he wished Dad were here… but wishing wouldn’t get them anywhere closer to their goal either.

“That’s gonna be a problem, considering I haven’t worked a legit job in my life.” Dean muttered with another sigh. Not that Dean didn’t think he could do the job. In fact, he could probably do it a lot better than most. Their dad had been a mechanic before he’d become a hunter and had taught him everything he knew. Of course convincing an employer of that, especially when he didn’t even have a high school diploma, was going to be tricky.

“If we can get the whole job thing sorted out, we can get a PO Box set up at the local post office until we get a permanent address. Get all your records sent there.” Dean took a swig from his soda and chuckled.

“Our real names are probably the cleanest aliases we have, Sammy.” He remarked, and it was true. They’d used so many different names over the years as hunters, covering up their more illegal activities. Their real names were probably eerily squeaky clean by comparison, so that worked to their advantage, and as Sam pointed out, would make it easier for Dad to find them later… if the older man was still alive and ever came looking for them…

Dean frowned, and sighed a little at that thought before he pushed it aside. Looking up at his brother when the younger boy mentioned getting himself a job too and Dean shook his head.

“Sammy, your only ‘job’ is going to be finishing school, and getting those straight A’s you’re so good at. I’ll handle the money issue, don’t worry about it.” He told his brother firmly. They were just not going to argue about that. If they were really going to do this long term, he wanted his little brother to do well in school, and not have to worry about things like a job and money. He wanted his brother to have a chance at a great life, maybe get a scholarship, go to college. All that stuff.

Dean leaned forward to look over his brother’s list and nodded.

“Looks like a good start.” He commented and then began packing up their leftover pizza in the box. “Done with this? I should probably go out in a little while, see if I can get us some more cash before we head out tomorrow. We’ll need all we can get if we’re going to be making down payments and shit.”

* * *

Sam didn't miss how down his brother was about all the work they had to do in order to start living a normal life and wished he could take it all away for him, "it's true you have never worked, but you know your way around any car and we have made plenty of false documents in the past." It was true they always made up false documents to protect themselves and Sam couldn't see it being anymore difficult, "I can get that done, I know you hate that stuff, oh and hey maybe we could even put uncle Bobby down as an old employer, if we give him a heads up I'm sure he will be happy to give you a glowing reference, I'll ask him." Sam added that to his ever growing list and tried to not feel too overwhelmed, they had lots to do but he was good at this kind of thing, he saw this as a challenge and was ready to tackle it.

Sam smiled and agreed with his brother, their own names were the best ones to use and he was happy he got to have some part of his new life be real, he hated pretending to be someone else all the time. He sighed at his brothers words, he knew Dean would object to him getting a job, "look I'm not talking anything heavy just something at the weekend, besides i more or less have had a part time job with hunting and never failed to get straight A's. I am going to have tons of spare time now we are not moving round so much and hunting, besides part time jobs look good on college applications."

He wondered if he would ever go college or if he would be drawn back into hunting, still he wanted to give himself the best shot at getting into college and knew Dean could be stubborn when his mind was made up. "How about I get a job through the school or one my advisors recommend? that way you know it's to help me and that it wont interfere with my school work and the money will just be a bonus, doubt i would get much anyway, but it all helps and we are in this together right?" He really hated the idea of Dean putting so much pressure on himself and wanted to be able to help as much as possible.

Sam nodded and threw the rest of his pizza on the box his appetite suddenly gone, he hated when Dean would go off to make money and he knew he couldn't complain because Dean was right, they needed money. Still Sam worried about how Dean got the money and the trouble he could get into, plus he really hated being left alone, not that he would ever admit that. He nodded at his brother, "OK". He wanted to tell his brother to be careful to not do anything dangerous but he knew it would upset Dean and right now he had enough to deal with so he kept quiet.

Instead he pulled his school bag onto the bed and started getting out some work to complete, he may as well get started on some more work even though he was ahead, it wasn't likely he would be able to sleep early tonight. He never let on to Dean, but he couldn't ever sleep when left alone, part of that was due to being scared of being caught off guard by something supernatural but mostly it was because he wouldn't be able to relax until his brother was back and he knew he was safe.

* * *

Dean was actually relieved when Sam offered to make up the false documents he might need to get a decent job. Though he was loathe to admit it, his younger brother had always been much better at that than he was, making sure the paper trails didn’t come back to haunt them, and this time they had to be perfect. They were probably only going to get one shot at this, after all.

Yeah, no pressure there.

The older boy smiled nodded in agreement when Sam suggested they call Bobby and ask him to give him a reference. Real ‘proof’ that he could do the job would definitely go a long way to helping his case and getting hired by a current employer. Then once he proved he could do the job, they wouldn’t have to worry about it so much.

“Good idea, Sammy.” He said as he finished packing up their leftover pizza. He still didn’t like the idea of Sam having to get a job too. After all, he was the one supposed to be taking care of his little brother, Sammy shouldn’t have to help support them. But it was too early to argue about that now. Hopefully the extra money wouldn’t be needed once they got settled.

Until then though…

“I’ll be back before midnight, hopefully. Don’t stay up too late.” Dean said, running his fingers warmly through his brother’s hair before he grabbed his keys and jacket and went out.

***

It wasn’t until almost 1am that Dean finally pulled the Impala back into the parking space in front of their motel room. Getting out of the car slowly, moving a hell of a lot more stiffly than his eighteen year old body should and he cursed softly under his breath. Trying not to limp too much, and praying that his brother was already asleep so the younger boy wouldn’t see him returning like this.

He’d spent several hours that night going from one bar to another. Not making nearly as much cash as he’d hoped, because apparently word had spread quickly about him from earlier. Damn hick towns. After five hours he’d only made an extra three hundred dollars. Definitely not enough to even keep them in motel rooms for very long, much less pay for rent or anything while they searched for a place to settle in.

He had just about given up when strangely enough he ran into the guy who he’d given the blow job to earlier in the parking lot. Rather pleased to see him, the man had asked if he was still looking to make some quick cash. He and his friends were looking for some fun. Offering him a hundred bucks a piece to fuck him. There were six of them…

Dean might have been desperate for cash, but not that desperate, and he definitely didn’t do groups. Turning his back on them after turning them down had been a mistake that his father probably would have kicked his ass had he known he’d made. Too bad his dad wasn’t around anymore.

The bottle that connected with the back of his head had dropped him to his knees and there was still quite a bit of dried blood on the back of his head and neck, though he didn’t think it was bleeding anymore. They’d dragged him into the back then and…

At least they’d left the money they promised him afterwards.

Dean cursed again softly as he opened their motel room as quietly as possible. Once more praying that his brother was asleep…

* * *

Sam couldn't keep his eyes off the clock. All night since Dean had left he had been counting down the time till midnight, he had made sure he was busy and completed a lot of work but around 11 he got into bed and decided to watch TV. He had let himself drift into a relaxed place knowing that Dean would be home soon, but when 12 came and went he got this awful feeling in the pit of his stomach and sat watching the minutes drag by. He was just about to get up and consider looking for his brother when he heard the car pull up.

He felt relief but had to know his brother was OK so jumped out of bed and ran to the window. What he saw made the sick feeling in his stomach ten times worse and he stood frozen watching his brother struggle towards the room. He couldn't ignore the limp or the way Dean carried himself. He had often questioned how Dean made so much money. As he got older and less naive, as much as he never let himself think it, it was always in the back of his mind. He had no way of knowing except when Dean walked through the door their eyes met, somehow Sam just knew what Dean had spent the night doing.

He felt the anger building in him as he stared at his big brother. Why the fuck would Dean do that to himself? It made him sick to realize that he did it for him, to feed him and give him somewhere to sleep. Sam had never felt such hatred for their dad as he did in that moment for putting Dean in that position and he hated himself for forcing Dean to do that for him. He didn't know if Dean could tell he had figured it out but he still couldn't bring himself to put it into words, "What the hell happened?" He took a step towards his brother and couldn't mistake the smell of sweat and sex and he wanted to be sick as he imagined someone hurting his brother that way and Dean letting them for cash, "How did this happen? Are you hurt?"

* * *

Dean hadn’t been prepared to almost literally come face to face with the younger boy when he opened motel door and for a few seconds he froze. Staring at his brother, not knowing what to say, especially when there was far too much knowledge in the younger boy’s eyes.

The older boy flinched a little when Sam demanded quite bluntly to know what happened. He cursed himself for it afterwards, but at least it freed him from his momentary paralysis.

He looked away from his brother as came inside and shut the door behind him. Stepping away from the younger boy and shrugging off his jacket. Throwing it over the back of a chair, not letting himself move like an old man even if that’s exactly what he felt like right now. Almost every muscle in his body aching from the rough hands that had gripped him and held him down.

“Just a little ‘disagreement’, Sammy. I’m fine. It’s just a few bruises.” He said with a shrug. The lie falling surprisingly easy from his lips as he tossed down his keys on a table, followed by the thick wad of cash he’d ‘earned’.

“I’m gonna take a shower. You should get to bed. I told you not to stay up to late. We’ve got a lot to do tomorrow.” He told the younger boy, still avoiding Sam’s eyes however, as he made his way across the room to the bathroom. Refusing to let himself limp no matter how much it hurt to move.

* * *

Sam could feel his anger grow at how his brother tried to hide how much he was hurt and how he tried to brush it off as nothing of importance, he could feel the tears building behind his eyes as his brother avoided his gaze. He really just wanted to see that Dean was OK and fix any injuries and hold on tight to him and stop him getting hurt ever again.

For a brief moment Sam almost believed that Dean had just got into a disagreement but then he saw the large sum of money his brother had and felt his stomach sink. The money somehow confirmed all his thoughts, sure Dean always came back with money but Sam just knew his brother was lying, if it had been a simple fight he wouldn't lie. He felt numb as his worst fears were confirmed and sick at the thought that someone had hurt Dean this way, he barely heard what his brother said just saw he was trying to walk away from him.

"Don't lie to me," his voice was void of any emotion as he stared at his brothers back.

* * *

He should have just kept walking. Pretending he didn’t hear the younger boy. Instead Dean froze, a shiver passing through him like an arctic wind and his stomach fell down somewhere near the center of the earth.

Dean knew he should turn around. Say... something. Order his pain in the ass little brother to get back into bed like he told him, and force him to just drop it. This was NOT something Dean ever wanted to talk about. Or even think about. Certainly not to his little brother, who shouldn’t be so fucking... Who should still be innocent enough that he had no idea what had happened to his big brother, instead...

Finally Dean turned to look at the younger boy and his stomach dropped just a little further along with his heart.

He could tell that Sam was angry... pissed off was more like it. But what the hell was Dean supposed to say? _Yeah, Sam, you’re right, I’m not ok. I just got raped by six guys, but they paid me for it afterwards, so its all good..._

Fuck...

“I said go to bed.” He finally said, his voice just as blank as his brother’s had been. Not denying it. He just couldn’t lie directly to Sam’s face. Sam would know. His brother would know for sure then, and he wouldn’t burden the younger boy with that knowledge. Ever.

Dean turned away again then and continued to the bathroom quickly, not stopping this time. Trying not to slam the door behind him, he locked it quickly, and sagged back against it. Trying to keep himself from shaking. Trying but failing to stop the tears sliding down his cheeks.

* * *

Sam stared at the door for a few moments and could feel himself shaking, he didn't deny it, it was true, his brother had sex for money to support him, someone had hurt his brother probably made him.....

Sam stumbled to his bed pulling his clothes on with fingers that felt too numb, it was all his fault, his brother was trying to give him a life he wanted and this was the sacrifice Dean made. He couldn't even help his brother now he was hurt, he just messed it up, he was a useless waste of space. He looked long and hard at the money before slipping quietly out the door, maybe it was time he made some of his own sacrifices for this family instead of just being the burden.

He walked quickly in the direction of a bar that was close to closing time, he felt numb as he walked towards it. He tried to ignore the nervous feeling clawing inside of him, he could do this, Dean was probably younger than he was now the first time....... It made him feel sick and the tears threatened again but he swallowed them down, he always complained and all the time Dean was having to...

He couldn't handle the images bouncing around his head and walked round the back of the bar deciding at the last minute he just couldn't do this, he knew it made him selfish and the guilt grew in him. He let out a growl and kicked one of the stacked dustbins the tears finally falling, he hated his life so much.

He wasn't expecting anyone to find him here and was shocked when a familiar voice spoke, "hiya cutey, why the tears, you and the boyfriend have an argument?"

Sam looked in shock as the guy from the library got out of his car and stood leaning against it he felt frozen with fear as he realized the guy must have followed them, he suddenly felt stupid for ever leaving the motel.

The guy had a smirk on his lips, "don't look so surprised, i was hardly going to let you get away without a fight, especially when i saw the lap dance you gave that boyfriend of yours."

Sam's confusion clouded his fear for a moment and he whispered, "boyfriend?"

The guy moved closer now and Sam backed up wanting to go back to the motel but not seeing an easy escape, "yeah the hot blond thing, with the cool car, i would ask you both to join me but something tells me he doesn't share you, or does he?" He was cornered now and he felt hysterical laughter escape as he realized the guy had watched them in the car and had followed them and he thought they were lovers.

The guy was too close now and he wondered if he would live to regret this but he just smiled, " well if your that friendly with him, your worth the effort, don't look so scared kid I'm not into forcing people to do anything, I'm more of a businessman"

Sam breathed a sigh of relief as the guy climbed into his car but made sure he was back enough so the guy couldn't suddenly drag him inside but he started the engine and held a card out for him, "if you want to make some good money kid, i can help you out, you have one of those faces that would sell well." Sam wanted to tell him to fuck off that he was a sick pervert, but then he thought of the wad of money his brother had earned and wondered if he should do this, it was just sex, Dean did it. He took the card and looked at it for a few seconds before pocketing it, feeling dirty just for having the card.

The guy smiled then and he seemed almost sympathetic, "look kid I know how hard life on the streets can be and there are worse ways to make money, believe me i know, i get that your scared but i would give you 600 big ones and i would make it good, what do you say?"

Sam stepped back from the car and shook his head feeling horrified but stopped when he thought of the money, maybe Dean wouldn't do it anymore if he got some too, maybe they could just put all this behind them, maybe the guy wouldn't hurt him. He was just taking a step towards the car when someone was headed towards the back of the club, probably a bartender still it spooked the guy and he winked at Sam, "call me cutey." then he drove off.

Sam stared into space feeling himself shaking hard, he had been so close to going, he knew he should move before some stranger found him or before Dean realized he was gone but he couldn't wrap his head around what had just happened, what he had almost done.

* * *

Once he pulled himself together a little Dean took a long hot shower. Almost too hot, the water close to scalding. He scrubbed at his skin raw, washing away dirt and worse from his flesh. Leaving a few red scratches along his skin in the process but he decided that losing a few layers of flesh was worth it if he could forget the feeling of those bastards hands on him.

By the time he finished he felt better. If that was even the right word. At least he felt he could face his little brother and look him in the eye again.

Dean wrapped a towel around his waist. Hoping his brother had done what he told him and gone to bed. They could talk in the morning, but when he opened the bathroom door Dean felt himself go cold and stood frozen in place for the second time in under an hour.

Sam was gone…

Panic flooded him, making it hard to think, to even breathe. Moving on pure instinct he quickly threw on clothes, grabbed his keys, and ran out the door.

“Sam!” He shouted his brother’s name at the top of his lungs but he knew it was too much to hope that the younger boy was nearby, would hear him, would come back to him… He couldn’t believe Sam had left… left him…

He had to find him… Where did he even start looking? Sam could have gone anywhere… in any direction… He _would_ find him, damn it!

Jumping in the Impala Dean started the car and started driving back towards the town. Sam hadn’t been gone long. He couldn’t have gotten far. At this time of night everything was closed and there was no one walking the streets. No sign of his brother.

When he came upon the first bar, he wasn’t sure why he stopped. It was one of the only places left open. He was desperate. Maybe his brother had gone inside. Maybe someone had seen him at least. He pulled into the parking lot just as he saw another car pulling out from near the back of the bar. He wouldn’t have given a damn except at the last moment he recognized the driver…

Oh god no…

Dean stopped the car with a screech of tires, jumping out almost before he remembered to put it into park, his heart pounding so hard in his head he couldn’t hear anything else. Never in his life had he been so afraid of what he might find. Or not find…

Sam… please god, Sam…

When his eyes finally fell on his little brother standing in the alley, saw the boy looking a bit shell shocked, but otherwise fine. Dean could have wept with relief.

“Sam!”

A second later he had his brother in his arms. Practically crushing the younger boy against his chest but he didn’t care. He refused to let go.

* * *

Sam didn't hear anything or notice the person coming towards him he was still in shock, so when he felt someone wrap around him he assumed the guy had changed his mind and panicked. He let out a yell and twisted madly to get out of the embrace, "let go of me, i don't want to, please don't."He tried to focus to remember how to escape holds when the guy refused to let go.

Then his senses started coming back and he recognized the scent of the person holding him, his tears blinded him too much to see his brother but that scent of home told him it was him and he stopped struggling asking in confusion, "Dean?"

He didn't wait for a response just held onto his brother tight letting the feeling of safety wrap around him, he could feel himself slipping into that place of almost sleep despite hearing his brother talking to him. He just wanted to block everything out, it took him all his strength to stay standing as he leaned into his big brother.

* * *

When his little brother started to scream and thrash, trying to break out of his hold, Dean felt like he’d been sucker punched. He had absolutely no idea what to do. Sam was panicking, and Dean was close to freaking out himself. Though he tried desperately to remain calm, for Sammy’s sake.

“Sammy, its me. Sam...” He repeated over and over, refusing to let go of his brother because if he did and Sam ran he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to keep up with the younger boy the state he was in. So he held on, even though it tore his heart to shreds as he listened to the terrified boy crying and beg to be let go... please don’t...

Oh god, what had that bastard done to his brother? He was going to kill him. No question. He was going to hunt that mother fucker down and gut him like a fish.

It seemed an eternity before his brother finally stopped struggling, though he knew in reality it couldn’t have been too long or _someone_ would have come out by now and saw him struggling with the younger boy. And getting the wrong idea... Still, even if it was only a minute or two, every second Sam had fought against him in terror was sheer agony. But when he finally heard his brother whisper his name, the tears Dean had been fighting against spilled freely down his face.

“Yeah, Sammy. I’m here. Its me...” He confirmed softly, nearly choking on his words, and as Sam melted against him he crushed the younger boy even tighter to his chest. His anger and fear forgotten for a moment as relief swept over him leaving him feeling weak. But he couldn’t be weak right now. Sammy needed him to be strong.

When he felt the younger boy sag against him even more, Dean practically having to hold him upright, he wasted no time lifting his brother into his arms like he weighed nothing at all. Carrying Sam back to the impala and getting into the drivers seat with him, cradling his little brother in his lap and not caring in the least how awkward it was. It wasn’t a long drive back to the motel anyway, and he couldn’t let go of the boy now even if his life depended on it.

The drive back to the motel was silent, and that was probably a good thing. When they pulled into the parking space in front of their room, Dean got out with his brother still held carefully in his arms and took Sam inside. Locking and bolting the door and carrying his little brother over to his bed and laying him down gently. Finally forcing himself to release the boy, even though it felt a little like cutting his arms off to do so. But he had to make sure Sam was ok.

Sam didn’t look like he’d been hurt, and his clothes weren’t torn or mussed but still... the way he’d acted when Dean found him.

“Sammy, look at me?” He whispered gently, tilting his brother’s face up to look at him. His thumbs lightly caressing the younger boy’s cheeks trying to wipe away the signs of his tears. He could feel fear and anger once more coiling in his gut like hot and cold serpents, but he pushed the feeling away for now. Trying to radiate only love and concern.

“Are you alright?” He asked, his voice growing a little darker in spite of himself when he forced himself to ask his next question. “Did he hurt you?”

* * *

He felt like he was in a bubble and couldn't quite take in what was happening around him, he could tell when they got into the car but the next thing he knew he was being laid down on the bed and Dean was pulling away. He felt himself tense and let out a whimper, he wanted Dean close, when he wasn't everything seemed too real.

He felt relief as Dean stayed close but then he was talking to him, making him look at him and Sam couldn't, he couldn't meet his brothers eyes. The strange thing was he didn't know what he was most ashamed of, the fact that he hadn't earned that money or that he had almost gone with that guy to... An image of him under that guy crying out in pain entered his head ,"oh god," the groan he let out didn't sound like him and he didn't really hear Deans questions. The realization that it was his brothers appearance that spooked the guy made his stomach lurch because if Dean hadn't of come looking right now he would probably be....

The image in his head of that guy doing that kind of thing to him had him retching, he cursed his imagination as a clear image of his big brother being treated that way by similar guys entered his head. He don't know how he managed to stumble to the bathroom but he found the toilet before he started to dry heave.

Someone had hurt his brother and Dean let them, just for money and he couldn't make the same sacrifice, Dean had probably made that sacrifice at his age and had been doing it for years, guys like that one with his brother and Sam doubted they all made it good like that guy had promised.

It was that thought that made him lose the contents of his stomach.

* * *

“Sam...” Dean tried to get his brother to answer him. At least to look at him. But it was like his brother didn’t even hear him even though it was obvious that Sam knew he was there. He’d said his name after all. Clung to him. But Sam wasn’t answering him and he was steadily becoming panicked again despite how he tried desperately to hold himself together for his brother’s sake. “Sammy, please...”

Then suddenly his brother was groaning as though he were in pain, and Dean swore he felt his heart stop as the younger boy wrenched away from him suddenly and ran for the bathroom.

“Sam!”

He ran after his brother. His heart twisting even more painfully in his chest if it was even possible as he watched his brother bent over the toilet retching painfully. Dean was at his brother’s side in an instant. Supporting Sam. Kneeling behind the younger boy and wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist. Needing Sam to know he was there. His hands gently running over his brother’s stomach. Along his back.

“Its ok... its ok, Sammy... I’m here... its ok...” He whispered over and over into the younger boy’s ear. Not knowing what else to do, feeling completely helpless right now, he simply held on to Sam, refusing to let his little brother go.

* * *

He felt his stomach relax as Deans warm hands rubbed his stomach gently, he crossed his arms across the toilet seat and rested his forehead against them trying to get control of himself but he couldn't escape the thoughts in his head. He could hear Dean trying to reassure him, his big brother sounded so scared and worried and Sam couldn't grasp why he was worried about him, he wasn't the one that was hurt.

He wanted to tell Dean that, wanted to shout at him for getting himself hurt and for not letting him help, he wanted to make Dean promise never to do it again, wanted to threaten his brother that he would start doing it too if he did but he couldn't. All his words died in his throat and he realised how he was too young to make Dean listen to him, he couldn't help his brother, couldn't lighten the burden.

The choked sob escaped his throat and he could feel his whole body shake as he cried into his arms, even now Dean was having to comfort him when he was the one hurt. He managed to choke out, "I'm fine, just let me get cleaned up", he didn't want his brother to hold him and comfort him he didn't deserve it, everything in him screamed out to turn into his brother and take comfort in his arms but he didn't deserve that, his brother was hurt because of him. He didn't deserve comfort when he never gave any to Dean, not when he needed it, he willed Dean to leave him alone, he couldn't be near him right now, Dean deserved a better brother.

* * *

Dean was sure he’d never felt so helpless in his entire life. Not even earlier tonight, the first real time he’d truly been taken against his will. When the pain had become so much that he’d silently started begging for his father to come save him. When he’d bitten his lip savagely to keep from screaming, at least until they covered his mouth to silence him, though it hadn’t stopped his tears of pain and humiliation… Watching his little brother fall apart in front of his eyes was worse.

Having no idea what to say, what to do, to possibly make it better… better… he almost wanted to laugh at that word. How could anything get better now? The idea that Sam, his baby brother, might have gone through the same thing that Dean had tonight… The idea made the older boy want to retch violently too, it made him want to cry and scream and curse the whole fucking world, it made him want to go kill something, someone…

But he had to remain calm, he had to remain in control, for Sammy…

Sam’s soft choked words that he was ‘fine’ offered the older boy absolutely no reassurance. He knew they were also a dismissal. Sam wanted him to leave… like hell. So Dean pretended to play dumb, even as he nodded silently, pressing a soft gentle kiss to the back of his brother’s neck before he helped the younger boy to his feet. Turning his brother around so he could lean against the wall for support if he needed to, but Dean didn’t step away afterwards.

Instead taking the younger boy’s hands in his. Looking intently at Sam’s hands, wrists, and arms. His brother’s fingers were not scraped raw and none of his fingernails were broken, at least no more than any normal fourteen year old boy’s hands might be, like he’d been in a fight. There were no bruises around his brother’s wrists in the shape of fingers like there were around Dean’s wrists. No scratches, cuts, or bruises on his arms.

Dean wanted to feel relieved, but he wasn’t satisfied yet. Trying to keep his expression calm and reassuring looking into his brother’s eyes as he slowly lifted up the bottom of Sam’s t-shirt. Exposing the younger boy’s stomach and the tops of his hips to his gaze. Again, there were no marks. No bruises in the shape of hand prints from cruel fingers. Dean ran his fingers over the soft skin, checking for tender spots just to be sure, and marveling a little just how pale his brother’s skin was compared to his own hands that still looked almost dirty in comparison even after his shower. How soft the flesh was, baby soft, compared to his own callus rough hands.

Again the idea of someone with rough hands like his putting them on his brother almost made Dean see red, but he tried to control his anger as he looked back up into the younger boy’s eyes.

“I saw that man tonight, Sam.” Dean said carefully. Staring at Sam intently. He’d already asked more than once, and _this_ time he needed an answer from the younger boy, or he wasn’t sure what he might do. “Did he touch you? Did he… hurt you?”

* * *

Sam felt the soft kiss against his neck and sighed, he should have known Dean would never leave him, not when he was like this. He struggled to his feet and gladly leaned into the wall feeling bone tired still unable to meet his brothers eyes he watched Deans hands instead. The careful inspection made his heart clench painfully as he realized what Dean was looking for.

The soft fingers against his hips made him shiver despite everything and he allowed himself to enjoy that touch, too tired to question what that meant or if it was wrong. He wanted to run his hands over Deans skin and check every bruise and mark and try to make them better somehow but he knew Dean would stop him.

Sam stared at Dean in surprise as he spoke of seeing that man and he felt the guilt and shame hit him, making him look back at his hands again, "I'm not hurt," he knew he sounded robotic and lifeless, "he offered money, i tried but......." his voice died and he shook his head closing his eyes, "I'm sorry."

He tried to move past his brother, "lets get some sleep."

* * *

Relief was so short lived that Dean barely felt it at all before his entire body went cold and numb at once because of his little brother’s words.

_He offered me money… I tried…_

Dean closed his eyes, pain washing over him making him feel weak. Dizzy. He actually had to put his hands against the wall beside the younger boy to keep from falling over. Breathe heavily through his nose to keep from being violently ill.

His eyes snapped open again at the younger boy’s apology. Apology. Sam was actually _apologizing_ to him for not going with that sick pervert? For not selling himself? Oh god… the idea that if he hadn’t found his brother right then, that his little brother might right now be in that fucker’s car. In his bed. That bastard touching…

Dean gripped the younger boy’s arms hard, refusing to let his brother push past him, pressing Sam against the wall. His eyes a mixture of fury and agony, and he didn’t even realize there were tears falling down his cheeks as he took the younger boy’s face in one hand and forced Sam to look at him.

“No. Do you hear me? No. Never. I don’t want you to _ever_ even _think_ about doing something like that again! Do you understand me Sam! Never!”

* * *

His brother was suddenly so close it took his breath away and all he could do for some time was to stare into Deans eyes sighing softly at the way his hand cradled his face. He reached out to gently wipe away Deans fallen tears with his thumb listening to Deans words and the angry command in them. He felt anger coil in his stomach, he did not take commands well especially ones that were 'do as i say not as I do' commands.

He could feel the nasty remark on his lips but bit down hard on his tongue to hold it in, his brother was upset and the last thing he wanted was to hurt him anymore, so he didn't speak just then. He felt so tired and so much older than 14 as he thought about what had happened tonight, what could have happened. He didn't really think about what he was doing otherwise he would have stopped himself before he leaned into his brother, placing soft gentle kisses where the tears had fallen. He knew he run the risk of having this thrown back in his face for years to come but he needed to show his brother that he loved him before he said what he had to say.

He didn't want to hurt Dean but his brother got things so twisted sometimes, why was it OK for Dean to be hurt so bad but not himself?, he pulled back to look at his brother wanting him to see his eyes. He tried to show his love through his eyes knowing his words might push Dean away, "I can't promise that Dean."

* * *

The surprisingly gentle touch to his face made Dean pause. The soft kisses to his cheek made his eyes flutter closed and the cold fist that was wrapped around his heart loosen just a little. Before his brother’s words made it clench again so tightly he swore he felt his heart rupture inside of his chest. Swore that if he looked down he would find a bleeding wound where it should be.

Dean looked at the younger boy like he’d never seen him before in his life. If he was capable of thinking more clearly he might have said ‘Christo’ just to be sure his brother wasn’t fucking possessed somehow, but he couldn’t really think at all as he stumbled away from Sam. His legs barely holding him. Staring at his brother like the younger boy had just jammed a knife into his heart. Not all that far from the truth.

Why was Sam doing this to him? Was his brother truly that angry at him for what he’d done? What had been done to him…? Did Sam really hate him that much that he would… whore himself… just to get back at him?

That didn’t make any sense, but then again, when had anything in their fucked up lives? All Dean really knew was that he had failed. Spectacularly. He’d failed to protect his brother. He’d failed to give Sam the life he wanted, the life he deserved, before he even was able to try. What kind of a fucking worthless brother was he? Why couldn’t he do even this…?

“Get your things together.” Dean finally whispered, not looking at his brother. If he was capable he would have been shocked how devoid of life his own voice sounded, but he was beyond caring about himself or his own feelings in the slightest. It was time he started thinking about what was best for his brother, and obviously, that wasn’t him. He couldn’t take care of Sam. He couldn’t protect him. He had to find someone who could.

He was going to take Sam to Pastor Jim. He knew the older hunter would take his brother in. Take care of him. Dean could leave Sam there and know he would be safe. He’d rather never see his brother again then see him hurt like that.

* * *

Sam felt his chest tighten as Dean pulled away from him, looking at him like he was a stranger and he tried to reach out to him but changed his mind at the last second his brothers name dying on his lips. He knew he had screwed up and hadn't explained it right but now all his words died in his throat as he watched his brother trying to deal with what he had said.

He felt an icy chill work it's way through his body at Deans words and his expression and he knew his voice was shaky, "why Dean?"

He had an awful feeling building inside of him and knew he wasn't going to like the answer.

* * *

Why…

For maybe the first time Dean actually understood why Dad had gotten so angry at Sam when the boy constantly questioned before doing anything he was told. The older boy stood with his back pressed against the sink. His hands tightly gripping the porcelain to hold himself up. It was about the only thing that was holding him up right now. Everything… _everything_ was falling apart, and Sam was asking him 'why'?

Dean closed his eyes tightly. He didn't know whether he felt more like laughing or crying.

The only thing he really knew right now was he wasn't going to let Sam do this. He wasn't going to let his little brother, his _fourteen_ year old little brother, even think about turning himself into a whore like… like Dean had… to help support them.

It wasn't even all that often that Dean did it, and this was the first time an 'offer' had gone ugly. He'd never meant for Sam to find out, and he never meant to keep doing it if he could get a decent job to support them... He knew the younger boy wouldn't take it well… but he never thought that Sam would try to punish him… teach him a lesson or something… by letting the same thing happen to him. No. He wasn't going to let it happen. He didn't care what he had to do to make sure it didn't. He wasn't going to let Sam be touched that way. Hurt that way. For any reason, god damn it!

"I'm taking you to live with Pastor Jim."

* * *

Sam felt like his stomach had fallen away at Deans words and he struggled to breathe, dean was sending him away, he didn't want him anymore. He felt numb as he tried to piece together how they had got here, the only explanation he could find was that Dean was sick of him. He had freaked out after what happened tonight and his brother had decided it was too much to put up with.

He didn't look at his brother as he walked out of the bathroom, not really aware of what he was doing, just knowing he wasn't going to break down and cry, he couldn't cry. Dean was sending him away and he would probably never come back to see him, he would be glad to be free of him. He dropped onto the bed curling into a protective position wanting to shut every thought and feeling out as he hugged his knees to his chest.

As he moved his head to get comfortable it brushed against a piece of paper and he saw his to do list, the list with his and Deans future plans, plans that were over now, Dean didn't want him anymore.

Sam buried his head into his knees and let the first sob escape, the numb feeling no longer protecting him.

* * *

Dean stayed in the bathroom for a long time. Trying to pull himself together, though it seemed an impossible task at the moment. Trying to pick his heart up from the floor that felt like it had been ripped out and stomped on.

Of course, always keeping an ear out for the sound of the outer door opening. That Sam might try to leave again. Before tonight he’d never been afraid of his brother leaving, at least not the way he was now. Of what the younger boy might do… Now he couldn’t stop thinking about it, and that was why he knew this was what he had to do.

Pastor Jim might not be a rich man by any means, but he was a good man. One of the best Dean ever had the chance to know. They’d stayed with him more than once when their Dad left on especially dangerous hunts. He knew the older, now retired, hunter would never turn his little brother away. He could take care of the younger boy better than Dean ever could.

Dean had already screwed up so much. The thought of living without Sam was killing him, but so was the thought of Sammy going out and getting himself hurt. Like he had been hurt. Like he was still hurting… Christ… he couldn’t believe it had only been a few hours… funny how everything could turn to shit so fast. But then that was Dean’s ‘gift’. Fucking things up beyond repair in record time. He’d certainly fucked his brother up, that Sam had actually gone and tried to…

The older boy closed his eyes tightly. Fighting against the waves of misery that threatened to break him completely. He could break down once he knew Sam would be all right. He wasn’t actually sure where he finally found the strength to move, probably from the same reserves he’d draw on during a hunt if it went bad.

Like the time that harpy had ripped a hole in his side big enough he was practically holding in his guts while he continued trying to shoot the thing down. Finally succeeding, but almost bleeding out while he stumbled back towards the car where Sam was waiting for them. Thankfully Dad had finished with the rest of the nest and had come looking for him or he might have just bit it right then and there. But Dad wasn’t around anymore to catch him and patch him up. He was left wounded stumbled around on his own this time, and he just had to deal with it.

Dean tried not to look at the boy curled up on the bed, sighing softly but unable to feel any irritation that Sam hadn’t started packing his things like he told him to. Dean just started doing it himself. Stoically throwing clothes and other things into their respectful duffels. Knowing he had to do this now before his resolve wavered. Ignoring the way every move he made hurt for a variety of reasons. It was a strange feeling, feeling so cold and numb but hurting so much at the same time.

When the older boy started picking up the various papers they’d been looking at earlier, information on houses and schools, possible jobs for himself, he felt his hands start to shake. His vision blurring with tears he fought to hold back.

As he crumbled up the first papers and threw them in the trash he felt something break inside of him. Felt himself stumble and sit down heavily on the edge of the bed. Staring at his trembling hands like they didn’t even belong to him. Tears falling down his face as he listened to his brother cry but unable to comfort him.

* * *

Sam lay trying to control his tear feeling panic crawl at his chest when his brother started to gather his things, he was really going to leave him with someone else. Despite the pain he felt a spark of anger, they all left him, even Dean, he thought of something he had once heard his dad telling uncle Bobby and decided he wasn't going. If Dean didn't want him anymore he couldn't decide what happened to him anymore, he would do fine on his own he didn't need anyone, he stood up and gathered his stuff together, "I'll sort myself out, not your problem anymore."

He was shaking as he gathered the rest of his stuff, he had never seen his brother look so defeated or crushed, "i did that," the thought made him freeze to the spot. He could understand why Dean wanted him gone all he did was hurt people, he always argued with dad and pushed him and now he had broken Dean, he wanted to wrap around his brother and hold him tight but he knew that wouldn't be welcome.

"Don't leave me," the words escaped before he realized he was going to say them.

It made him realize how terrified of losing his brother he was and he crossed the room in seconds wrapping around his big brother awkwardly, his words coming in a rushed whisper, "please don't leave me, I'm sorry, please don't, I'll be good, I wont argue I'll do what you say, i promise, just don't make me leave, I'm so sorry."

He wasn't above begging despite knowing it wasn't fair, Dean didn't want him as a burden but Sam was too selfish to let him go, he needed Dean and couldn't imagine a happy life without him, "please Dean I need you."

He hated himself for not being strong enough to let Dean walk away and have the life he wanted but he couldn't let him go without a fight.

* * *

Dean didn’t, couldn’t, look up when Sam got up and began finishing the job that he had started. Packing up the younger boy’s things. Even his brother’s angry words, telling him he was not his ‘problem’ anymore didn’t make the older boy so much as flinch even though they hit him like a fist. He was simply too frozen, too numb, too dead inside to show any outward reaction.

_Don’t leave me…_

At first Dean wasn’t sure if the words were real or his imagination. What he so desperately wanted to hear… But when the younger boy all but threw himself at him he had his answer. They fell back together on the bed and Dean felt his heart finally lurch to life in his chest. It took only one heartbeat for him to wrap his arms tightly around the younger boy. Dragging him closer. Practically crushing Sam against his chest, and holding onto his brother so tightly Sam might have had trouble breathing but he simply couldn’t let go.

“Sam… Sammy… shhh… It’s ok… shh…” Dean whispered, threading his fingers through his brother’s hair, petting, as he cradled the younger boy’s head and rained kisses all over his face. Tasting Sam’s tears as well as his own. Pressing soothing kisses to the younger boy’s forehead, cheeks, chin, even lips as he continued to whisper words of comfort and apology in the same breaths. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Sammy… It’s ok… I need you too… I just can’t… can’t see you hurt… I’m sorry…”

* * *

Any fear Sam had that Dean would just drop his ass on the floor and still leave him, melted away as he felt his brothers strong arms hold him tight, so tight he could barely breathe, not that he cared one little bit. He felt whole again, for a very short time he had realised just how it would feel to not be able to reach Dean and it had made him feel like he was cut in half, he never wanted to feel that way again. His brother was everything.

The gentle way his brother kissed him and stroked his hair made him feel so loved and cherished, those gentle words melted away the numb feeling completely, he just held onto Deans shoulders unable to process the feelings rushing through him. Love mixed with sorrow, guilt, joy, helplessness, safe, an intense feeling of need and want like he never felt before making him press closer to his brother. The feeling was so intense that when his brothers lips pressed gently to his own, he wrapped his hands around his neck holding him close as he pressed his own lips back gently against his brothers, seconds too long for it to be considered brotherly.

Before he could think too much on it, Dean whispered words hit home and Sam felt his heart skip a beat as he realised why Dean was so upset, "he didn't want me hurt," he should have realised, sometimes for a smart guy he was damn slow. He needed to make it right, chase away his brothers fears, "not your fault, I'm so sorry Dean.....won't happen again," his voice was rough as he whispered the words breathing the same air as his brother.

His fingers stroked the soft hair at the top of Deans neck and he gently pressed his lips to his brothers again, that intense feeling not leaving him, but he pulled away quicker this time whispering against his lips, "don't want you hurt either." He traced his brothers face with his fingers, his eyes following their journey, he knew he would never get to touch Dean so tenderly once the chick flick moment passed, so he took advantage of this moment. Besides he really just needed to reassure himself Dean was there and not leaving.

He was too focused on memorizing Deans face to realize he whispered his thoughts out loud, "would rather die than see you hurt that way, your everything to me."

* * *

When his little brother’s hands stilled him, bringing their lips together and pressing for a longer kiss, the older boy’s lips parted a little with a soft gasp. An almost inaudible moan escaping before he could stop it.

Of course he’d kissed before, and been kissed. But he was completely unprepared for thrill and the feeling of heat that flowed into him from that one point of contact. Pooling into his stomach and warming him from the inside out.

God… Sam’s lips were like the sweetest, most forbidden fruit, he’d ever tasted…

His brother’s words pulled him out of where his thoughts definitely should not be. Sam’s attempts to offer him comfort and reassurance, even though that wasn’t the younger boy’s job. It should be him reassuring Sam, not the other way around. But he couldn’t bring himself to protest. Not when the feeling of his brother’s soft breath against his lips, the gentle fingers stroking through his hair making him feel so weak. So warm. So loved…

Tonight had been bad. In so many ways, but right in this moment he knew he could forget all of it, because this was all that mattered. Just him and Sam. His lips tingling, almost aching, for another touch. Another taste of that sweet… innocence…

“Sammy…” He breathed his brother’s name like it was a prayer, but if it was it wasn’t a prayer to god but Sam himself. Because this boy held his life, his heart, his soul in his hands. Sammy could either hold him together or shatter him completely if he wanted to. There was no one he loved or trusted more on this earth. No one he needed more.

Before he let himself think, before he let himself consider the consequences, or right and wrong. Before they both had to face ‘reality’ again, Dean found himself closing the space between their lips one final time. Slanting his mouth over the younger boy’s and kissing him with infinite tenderness. His tongue gently stroking over the softness of his brother’s lips for just one more taste of the forbidden.

* * *

A small whimper escaped his throat as his brothers lips found his again and he tightened his hold on Dean, sliding his hands into his brother hair, trying to press closer. The feel of his brothers tongue made him gasp softly his mouth falling open in a low moan as his own tongue came to meet Deans. He couldn't think through the feelings rushing through him so just let himself fall into his brother as the kiss deepened, he was unable to think if this was right or wrong just that it felt so right and good.

It was his first real kiss, Deans mouth was hot and perfect and Sam never felt so close to him yet still needed to feel closer. He could feel his body responding to the slow kiss and tried to relieve the tension by pressing against his brothers stomach too far gone to be embarrassed that Dean would feel him.

Another moan escaped as his tongue found Deans and suddenly he understood why people kissed this way because his whole body was on fire with intense want and desire and a feeling he couldn't place, he just knew he never wanted this moment to end.

* * *

Dean wasn’t sure if it was the sound of his brother’s whimpering moan, or the gentle touch of the younger boy’s tongue. How he caressed that slick muscle with his own or how his tongue delved even further into his brother’s mouth seeking out even more of Sam’s sweet taste, deepening their kiss. If it was the firm press of his brother’s growing arousal against his stomach, or how his own cock twitched in response. Or maybe it was how his hand had slid down the younger boy’s body. Exploring. Caressing. To gently cup his brother’s hip and pull him even closer.

Maybe it was all of those things, or none of them, but Dean was remembering not so much what he was doing or who he was doing it with, because he’d never really forgotten that. He’d was simply remembering how wrong it was, no matter how right or good it might feel. How the hell he could have forgotten in the first place, he wasn’t sure. But he hadn’t stopped that old pervert from molesting his fourteen year old little brother just so that _he_ could do the same.

Still, the older didn’t pull away as quickly or as far as he probably should have. Ending their kiss slowly, pulling their mouths apart but resting his forehead against the younger boy’s. His eyes still closed, breathing hard in spite of himself as he gently eased Sam’s hips back away from him. Easing away temptation that shouldn’t be there in the first place.

“This… isn’t a good idea, Sammy…” Dean finally managed to whisper, licking his lips and holding back a groan when he could still taste his brother on them. He had no wish to hurt his brother’s feelings or made him think that he was upset or angry. Especially since Dean was the one who’d started this. The kissing part, at least.

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have… we shouldn’t be doing this…” He tried again, but it wasn’t lost on him that he wasn’t pulling away. That they were still close enough that he could taste the younger boy’s breath on his lips. His hands resting on Sam’s hips keeping them apart but also caressing his brother softly through his clothes. That he was still partially aroused and he knew if he let Sam close to him again, he’d feel the younger boy’s as well.

* * *

Sam let out a soft sigh as the kiss ended slowly, the loss of his brothers soft lips made him ache deep inside and he made a soft noise of protest at losing that warm mouth against it and automatically tried to press his lips back against Deans. He felt dazed and unable to focus on much but the need to feel his brother lips on his but he didn't miss the gentle way his brother pushed him away.

It helped to clear his mind and he managed to hear what his brother was saying, he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach and a tightness in his chest, Dean didn't want this. That thought cleared his mind and he closed his eyes not wanting to cry anymore tonight, he didn't want to make Dean feel guilty, his brother had obviously just needed some comfort and it had gone too far. It wasn't Deans fault his baby brother was big pervert that actually enjoyed the kiss and wanted more. He could still feel his erection almost straining to get towards Dean and he felt himself blush with embarrassment. Damn he had actually rubbed against his brother, he wanted to be sick, not because it was wrong, because to him it wasn't but because it was obviously what had made Dean realise they were not on the same page.

Oh and his baby brother was a pervert.

He whispered a soft apology not sure what else to say, "sorry," he could feel the gentle caress of his brother and felt thankful to Dean for not throwing him off his lap, his brother never wanted to hurt him and was being understanding. Still it didn't ease the feeling inside him, he had often felt it when he argued with Dean or dad and later sat remembering what was said, or when he had realised dad wasn't coming home. Only this time the deep ache was ten times worse and it wasn't getting any better.

He wanted to crawl into bed and hide away from the world for a while but he couldn't bring himself to pull away from Dean. his earlier fear of him leaving too fresh in his mind. Instead he let his head drop onto Deans shoulder nuzzling into his brothers warm neck, making sure he kept his body back enough so Dean wouldn't feel him again.

Dean was warm and despite the ache inside and the erection asking for attention and the fact that he had just let on to his brother that he wanted him, he could still feel sleep claiming him. He tried to fight it at first but decided he couldn't face anymore tonight and didn't want to have too look Dean in the eye so soon, so he let himself slip into that place between consciousness and sleep hoping it would look better when he woke up.

He didn't realize he whispered his fears against his brothers neck as he slipped asleep, "don't leave me."

* * *

Dean hushed his brother softly when the younger boy apologized.

“No, don’t be sorry, Sammy. It’s alright.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the younger boy’s forehead and sighing softly when Sam nuzzled into his neck. God… They were both much too old to be cuddling together like this, and Sam was much too young for… what they’d almost started. Not to mention Sammy was his _brother_ for god’s sake.

Wrong… To say the least. That was just the tip of the iceberg with what was wrong with… everything…

A part of him didn’t care. A part of him still wanted what had been offered, and he knew he should be drawn and quartered for even _thinking_ of doing something like that to his baby brother. Dean was sure that guilt over the way he’d touched his little brother would hit him hard and fast tomorrow, already it was prowling around in the background like a predator in the dark, ready to strike. But right now, he simply didn’t care.

He was hurting, Sammy was hurting, they both needed comfort and all they had was each other. He didn’t give a damn what other people might think. Other people who couldn’t understand, who had never given them anything only making their lives more difficult. He needed Sam, and Sam needed him. The rest of the world could go to hell for all he cared.

_Don’t leave me._

“No, Sammy. No…” Dean almost said _never_ but the tightness in his throat suddenly choked off his words. Because he had almost left Sam. He’d almost left him…

Dean held his brother tighter to him for a moment before maneuvering them into a more comfortable position in the bed. Slowly releasing the younger boy and reassuring quickly before his brother could Sam could worry.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He promised, as he began undressing himself. Pulling off his clothes till he was only dressed in his t-shirt and boxers. Then began to do the same for Sam, as he’d often done when his brother was younger, getting him ready for bed. But Dean didn’t fail to notice the state of arousal his little brother was still in as he unbuttoned and slid down his jeans, and it made stomach clench. His breath growing shallow and his own body responding in a way far from brotherly.

He forced himself to ignore it. Reaching over to turn off the bedside lamp before laying down in the bed next to Sam. Drawing the covers up around them and wrapping his arms around the younger boy tightly. Trying to offer only comfort and doing his best to ignore what else their bodies were seeking from each other. It was a losing battle… He couldn’t stop remembering how hard his brother had been, still was, for him, maybe even uncomfortably so…

Dean blew out a breath through his teeth.

“Sammy… if you want to, take care of… it’s ok…” The older boy finally whispered, swallowing hard. Glad it was dark now so Sam couldn’t see the blush creeping over his cheeks at his ‘offer’. But if Sam needed to take care of himself so that he could sleep…

* * *

Sam was pulled out of his sleepy state as his brother moved them onto the bed, his body felt heavy and ready for sleep but he couldn't avoid the way he got even harder as Dean began to undress. He almost moaned when Dean undressed him too his jeans sliding against him as they were removed, he felt himself blush as he knew Dean had seen how turned on he was, he was sure he would never live it down. It was a relief to find Dean wasn't going to make them sleep apart but also difficult, having Dean so close and being so aroused was driving him insane.

He tried hard not to rub against his big brother when he was pulled closer to him, he started to nuzzle his brothers neck again trying to find that sleepy place again and ignore how easy it would be to shift his hips forward to rub against Dean.

His brothers words took a few moments to sink in and he felt his blush deepen, fuck, Dean knew what he was thinking and was giving him the go ahead to take care of it. He took a few deep breaths trying to control himself as he argued over how embarrassing it would be to take care of himself with Dean pressed so close. His need won out in the end and he slowly slid his hand from his brothers hair trying to not think too much, as he slid a hand between their bodies to rub against his erection through his boxers letting out a soft moan against Deans neck.

He hadn't realized just how close he was to Dean, so when he moved his hand back in order to slide into his boxers he was shocked when the back of his hand caressed Deans own arousal through his boxers. He wanted to snatch his hand away, but instead he froze, unsure what to do, he needed to touch himself but was too worried that Dean may think he was trying to touch him up with the accidental touch, so he didn't dare move his hand in any direction.

Sam tried to calm his breathing and decided Dean was almost as turned on as he was, if what he had felt was anything to go by, so he decided there was only one thing that would make this situation less awkward.

His voice sounded hoarse as he whispered into Deans ear, "only if you do too."

* * *

Dean bit back a groan at the gentle nuzzling against his neck.

It was innocent. Completely innocent. But it didn’t feel so innocent right now. That probably should have been his first clue just how sick and wrong he was. No, his first clue was how’d he’d let himself kiss his little brother. But he couldn’t bring himself to regret that, no matter how much he knew he should. It had felt like a small slice of heaven when their lives had just been one hell after another lately.

They shouldn’t be sharing a bed right now. Not after that. Not while they were both so… confused… right now. Desperate for… affection, closeness… he didn’t know. Maybe it was just the fear of being separated which drove them to be so close now. Closer than they should be.

He should have just settled the younger boy and moved to his own bed. Or at least made some excuse to return to the bathroom, giving Sam time to take care of himself that way before he returned.

Instead he’d given his brother ‘permission’ to take care of himself here, now, and he felt himself flush with heat when he felt the younger boy’s hand move down his body. Knew exactly when his brother began touching himself because the moan pressed into his neck was almost his undoing. His fingers tightening a little against Sam’s back before he realized what he was doing and forced himself to relax once more. Trying to distance himself from what was happening…

Before his brother moved, brushing against his own erection and Dean’s eyes snapped open. He didn’t dare move, not even to breathe, especially when he felt the almost overwhelming need to press into that hand seeking more than just a brief accidental caress. Then Sam was offering…

“God, Sammy…” He breathed before he could stop himself. Burying his nose into the soft curls of his brother’s hair, trying to let the younger boy’s scent calm him a little, but it only made him burn more. Made him need more. He found his hand slipping away from his brother’s back before he could stop himself. The back of his hand brushing against the younger boys as he covered and squeezed his erection through his boxers. A low groan breaking from his lips that he didn’t bother to muffle.

This was wrong. So damn wrong. He didn’t care one damn bit.

* * *

Sam's whole body shivered as Dean said his name, it was a name he called him all the time but he had never said it that way before and it was making it very difficult not to turn and press his lips to his brothers again. Instead he nuzzled against his brothers neck pressing his mouth to the soft skin there and allowing himself to taste Dean as he kissed open mouthed kisses to the one area.

He felt Deans hand brush his own and tried hard not to press against his big brother and demand more, he wanted that hand wrapped around him and those lips on his but he knew Dean didn't want that, he thought it was wrong. So he settled for stroking his own erection through his boxers before sliding his hand inside to wrap around his length, his thumb stroked the end of his hard cock slowly making him moan against his brother neck.

Sam allowed his tongue to run over the skin as he started to slowly stroke himself, trying hard not to come too soon, having Dean so close was making this much more intense than it usually was and he soon got lost in the sensations. His mind was lost in thoughts of them kissing and Dean touching himself this way and of how Deans hand would feel on him and before long he was panting and groaning as he thrust his hips slightly, his brothers name falling from his lips like a chant.

* * *

The hot wet kisses to his neck were making him lose his mind. As though he hadn't lost it already, that he was even thinking of doing this. But by now he felt too far gone to worry about the consequences. All he could think about was those sweet kisses. The younger boy's warm panting breaths against his neck as he began to stroke himself. His brother's soft moan of pleasure pressed into his skin.

Dean slid his hand into his boxers, groaning deeply as he wrapped his fingers around his painfully hard cock. His breath hitching a little as he began stroking himself in time to his brother's breaths against his neck. In time to the younger boy's movements on his own flesh. The fingers of his own hand digging a little into his brother's lower back.

Resisting the urge to pull the younger boy up flush against him once more. Though that didn't stop him from thinking about how it would feel to grind their hips together. Their erections sliding against one another trapped between their bodies. Kissing the younger boy breathless and moaning into his brother's mouth as he spilled his seed against the soft flesh of Sam's stomach…

Dear god, he was going to burn in hell for this. There was no doubt in his mind and yet he couldn't give a damn. Because his little brother's sweet moans were making him forget about the obscene noises of pleasure those men tonight had made. The feeling of the younger boy in his arms, those gentle kisses, made him forget about the bruises left behind on his skin. The pleasure they were sharing even though they didn't actually touch each other making him forget about the pain inside of him.

"Yeah, Sammy… That's it… that's it…" Dean encouraged unnecessarily, stroking himself harder. His hips thrusting forward a little of their own accord as he became lost in the sensations, fucking into his own fist. Occasionally, being so close, their hands would touch and it made the elder boy groan and shudder hard.

* * *

Sam groaned deeply as his brother began stroking himself, he could feel Deans hand on his back and wanted to feel that hand all over his body burning him like it was now. His mouth sucked at the tender skin under it as his brother urged him on and he let out an embarrassing whimper as he thrust faster into his own fist, his mind and body overcome with the sensations.

He flicked his thumb over the head a few more times before speeding up his hand which was now pressed firmly to his brothers hand making them stroke their cocks in time with each other. Sam tried really hard to stop himself from kissing his brother again, he even bit his brother neck gently, but as he felt his orgasm building he was too overcome with pleasure to resist any more.

His voice was hoarse as he let out a gasp, "Dean, please," then his lips found his brothers letting himself fall into the silky heat of the kiss, that was too much for his teenage body and he shuddered as he felt his balls tightening, his orgasm fast approaching. He held off needing to know it was OK that he had crossed this line, that Dean wouldn't hate him once this was done. Sam ran his tongue over his brothers lips asking for entrance and permission to let go and release his orgasm.

* * *

A choked gasp broke from the elder boy’s lips as Sam started sucking on his neck. He tilted his head back giving his brother better access before he really realized what he was doing.

His fingers slowly stroking the soft skin up and down along the younger boy’s spine. His fingers dipping just below the waistband of his brother’s underwear, caressing the swell of the younger boy’s buttocks before he realized what he was doing and stopped. Moving his hand back up with a spike of shame.

He knew should stop this. It had already gone too far. But the sweet sounds of pleasure Sam was making in his ear were driving him insane. He couldn’t think. He didn’t want to think.

“Sam…” Somehow their lips found each other again and Dean was returning the kiss hungrily before he could stop himself. His hand sliding down, cupping the younger boy’s buttocks and dragging his brother firmly against his body. Rocking against the boy as he sucked Sam’s tongue into his mouth.

* * *

Sam let out a gasp at how deeply Dean kissed him and a low groan escaped his throat as Dean pulled him against his body, his mind went blank as he released his grip on his cock to grab his brothers hip trying to pull him closer. His body was on fire and his mind lost in the heat and pure need running through him as he rocked hard against his brother trying not to come apart too soon, he wanted this to last forever.

He managed to hold back as they rocked their hips together but the feeling of their erections rubbing together and his brothers hands on his ass was too much for him. With another grind of their hips he was screaming into his brothers mouth his body jerking as the most powerful orgasm ripped through him, his warm seed spilling over them both, leaving him dazed as he continued to rock his hips, riding out his orgasm.

* * *

The practically threadbare boxers they were wearing were absolutely no barrier at all between them. He could feel exactly how hard his little brother was, how needy. Their erections sliding against one another. Hot and stiff and so damn good. Too good.

Especially not when he felt his little brother shudder hard and come in his arms, practically screaming into his mouth as their tongues tangled together. Sammy’ seed soaking hot and wet through both their underwear, the feeling so damn erotic Dean felt himself stiffen and come a second after the younger boy.

Swallowing the sounds of pleasure his brother made, thrusting his tongue into the younger boy’s mouth as he wished he could do to his body, and voicing his own as he clutched Sam tightly against him. Helping his brother move against him, drawing out both their pleasure for as long as they could bear it, shuddering and rolling his hips against the younger boy hard.

Until the friction simply became too much for oversensitive flesh, and Dean slowly gentled their movements. Squeezing his brother’s buttocks gently before sliding his hands back up to a ‘safer’ position against the younger boy’s back. Kissing Sam softly now, almost sweetly. Soothing his brother’s soft, slightly swollen lips, with his tongue.

“Sammy…” Dean sighed his little brother’s name softly, in a bit of awe. Even as the full ramifications of how wrong it was, what they’d just done, was already trying to crush down the euphoria of how right it had felt. He forced those feelings away. Simply incapable of dealing with them right now, as he cradled the younger boy against him gently.

* * *

Sam wasn't too far gone to know the moment his brother came against him and pulled his older brother even closer moaning deep into his mouth as their tongues did battle. He could barely take the feeling of their bodies sliding together it was too much pleasure, too sensitive, just when he thought he may go insane from the feeling and have to pull away his brother slowed things down.

His skin felt on fire and his brain felt like it was no longer connected to his body but the sweet slow kisses calmed him a little and he tried to focus on his brother as he returned each of those kisses. He moved his hand to gently caress his brothers cheek as he sighed softly against those perfect lips. He never wanted these kisses to end.

He sighed again as Dean whispered his name, he normally hated being called Sammy but Dean had said it like his name was a prayer and he clung even more to his big brother. He knew this was wrong, in every ones eyes maybe even Deans, Sam didn't want Dean to regret this because to Sam it wasn't wrong, it felt completely right and he wasn't sure he could ever give it up.

He snuggled even closer not caring that his boxers were now feeling uncomfortable of that he needed to pee, he couldn't bring himself to move from his brothers arms. He didn't want to be the one that broke this peaceful bubble he didn't want to face the repercussions so soon, so he just snuggled into his brother whispering softly, "love you Dean."

* * *

Dean cradled the younger boy gently against his chest, not so differently from when he hugged his brother to him any other time, though unlike any time before his heart was still beating hard and fast from their shared pleasure. His skin covered lightly with a sheen of sweat. The smell of sex heavy between them like it should never be.

The older boy swallowed hard as he brushed one final gentle kiss to the younger boy’s sweet lips. Lips that were a little swollen and bruised from his desperate kisses. Tucking Sam’s head underneath his chin, against his neck, where his flesh still tingled and he knew there’d be a bruise forming if there, wasn’t one already, made by the younger boy’s lips sucking on his flesh.

Dean shivered a little, despite the fact that his flesh still felt flushed like he had a fever. His fingers gently stroking through the younger boy’s tousled hair, the other rubbing small soothing circles against Sam’s bare back. Something he’d done dozens of times in the past, to reassure, to comfort. Innocent affection and love… not so innocent now with the cooling mess of their semen soaked through their underwear, sticking uncomfortably to their skin.

God, he was such a fucking pervert…

His brother’s soft whispered words of love, though they filled his heart with warmth also made it hurt even more, twisting with guilt. Because Sam loved him, trusted him, and he’d taken away a piece of his little brother’s innocence tonight. Touched his body. Tasted his lips. Done everything that sick bastard would have done to his brother tonight, only because Sam loved him, the younger boy let him. Enjoyed it even, maybe even thought it was all right.

“I love you too, Sammy…” The older boy whispered softly into his brother’s hair. And that made it even worse. Because he loved Sam so much, and he’d still done this to him.

Never again. He wouldn’t mess Sam up like this. He wouldn’t. He’d rather cut out his own heart than hurt his brother. He might be able to forgive himself once for this, chalk it up to emotions running too high between them. Forget about it… As long as it didn’t ever happen again.

“We should get cleaned up, get some sleep.” Dean suggested softly, as he gently started to untangle himself from the younger boy.

* * *

Sam was drifting in that calm place, he felt boneless and happy, he wasn't a freak because Dean had wanted this too. The feelings he had started to get towards his older brother had made him question himself, made him feel disgusted with himself. Only there was nothing disgusting about what he had experienced tonight with Dean, it had felt so right and good and he knew he wasn't alone. These feeling he held for his brother should be wrong, he would be called a freak and up until Deans lips met his and kissed him back, Sam was sure Dean would be the first to push him away if he ever admitted his feelings.

He wasn't alone in this. Dean had wanted him too. It would all be OK.

Dean loved him, those words never failed to warm him throughout and he wondered what Dean thought of all this, was he shocked? how long had his brother felt this way? He wanted to ask these questions but felt to embarrassed to ask his own brother if he had enjoyed that and could they do it again sometime soon. He his a grin against his brothers neck and let himself feel at peace.

Until Dean was pulling away, Sam tried to hold on to his brother not wanting to let go but then the words sunk in, oh Dean wasn't leaving him or pulling away, he just wanted to clean up. Despite everything in him wanting to stay cuddled with Dean he had to agree he was damn uncomfortable so he let go of his brother and rolled out of bed.

His legs felt shaky from the powerful orgasm and he stumbled a little as he tried to walk towards the bathroom, he was unable to hide the grin as he let his gaze fall on his brother for a few seconds before turning away. He knew it was probably stupid to be embarrassed at seeing his brother standing their in his boxers the wet stain proof that Dean had enjoyed it, only it was his first sexual encounter and Dean was no longer just his brother.

Snagging some boxers he stumbled into the bathroom, damn he was never that well coordinated but his legs were trembling so much he found it difficult to walk. He wet a cloth in the sink deciding a shower could wait til morning, he slowly peeled his sticky boxers off trying to not blush as he knew Dean would have a perfect view of him naked. They had seen each other naked before plenty of times. This time it was different.

He quickly cleaned himself before slipping his boxers on wondering why he suddenly had that strange feeling of nervous anticipation jumping around in his stomach. He moved out of the bathroom to allow his brother in.

"All yours, will get in your bed," he yawned and blushed a little, "the sheets are all crumpled on mine."

He didn't wait for a response just slid in the nice clean bed inhaling his brother scent from the pillow, the feeling wasn't going away and his thoughts were running wild. Things were different now. That was what had this strange feeling bouncing around inside him, he was scared of what would happen, scared of the change. Would they lose the closeness they had as brothers? would Dean even want this?, was it just a one off for him? He refused to think Dean had used him that way but emotions had been running high and.....

His thoughts died when his brother came back into the room, his brother looked guarded and tired at the same time and as if he was torn over something. Sam had a good idea he was that something and felt his stomach drop, he had been an idiot to think......... well just to think anything good. He wanted to ask a hundred questions but right now was not the time. For now he just wanted to be held in his brothers arms, even if it was the last time Dean would touch him. He pulled back the covers in an unspoken invitation and his eyes pleaded with Dean to just come to bed and let them deal with tomorrow when it came.

* * *

At first he wasn’t sure if his little brother was even going to let him go, which was both endearing and frustrating on so many levels. As the younger boy held him tighter and tried to snuggle closer, even though it was impossible at this point since they were already pressed as close as they could possibly get, Dean tried to think how he could untangle them, put some distance between them, without hurting his little brother’s feelings. But Sam was making it very difficult for him to think right now about anything except how warm and good he felt in his arms, how perfect he fit there. And he had to remind himself, yet again, how wrong those feelings were despite how right they felt.

But Sam finally released him and slid out of bed, and Dean let out a small sigh of relief, though his heart ached a little at the same time. He pushed the feelings aside as he got out of bed, though he froze when his brother looked back at him. The pleased smile on the younger boy’s face making his whole body flush as Sam’s eyes slid unashamedly over his whole body.

Dear god, this was so fucked up. Sammy should never look at him like that. Like a… like a lover might…

Dean was still frozen in place as he watched Sam go into the bathroom. Leaving the door wide open, giving him an unobstructed view of his brother’s body as Sam slid off his underwear and stood there naked. He’d seen his brother naked so many times, they were brother’s after all living in extremely close quarters, though this was the first time he saw Sam naked and his cock twitched in interest. Filling him with shame.

He was so fucked…

The older boy nodded, almost absently, when Sam finished in the bathroom and let him in. Dean cleaned himself off quickly. Replacing his soiled boxers with clean ones didn’t make him feel any more centered. It only made him feel more lost. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Should never have happened…

He returned to the main room to find Sam waiting for him in his bed. He couldn’t help but stare at his little brother for a long time. Maybe looking for signs of how he’d damaged the younger boy tonight by what he’d done… but Sammy looked the same, and Dean didn’t know whether to be relieved or more worried by that.

Dean let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding when the younger boy lifted up the covers in invitation to him, one he shouldn’t accept, but he couldn’t ignore the pleading in his brother’s eyes. When had he ever been able to really deny Sam anything? Maybe that was part of the problem.

The older boy forced those thoughts from his mind however because he was simply too tired right now to think anymore. He hurt too much physically and mentally. Sam was offering him peace for just a few hours, and selfishly he accepted the offer. Turning off the lights on his way to the bed and sliding in the cool clean sheets beside the younger boy. Not hesitating to gather the younger boy close to him in his arms.

* * *

He felt a sigh of relief as Dean slid in next to him, he had been so worried that that Dean would make some excuse and make him sleep alone, he didn't want to be alone. Sam felt torn, he didn't know if he should he hug his big brother he didn't want to push him away, still he really just wanted to be in those big strong arms and feel that warmth wrap around him, he always felt safe with Dean. Right now he was so confused over his feelings and how Dean would handle this and what he would want or not want that right now he didn't feel safe, he felt lost.

He let out a happy and contented sigh as he was pulled into his brothers warmth and snuggled in even closer not wanting to think anymore the lost feeling being chased away by the heat in his brothers embrace. He rubbed his cheek against Deans smiling at the feel of his brothers stubble against his soft skin before rubbing his nose against Deans neck breathing in that familiar scent. He allowed himself to gently kiss the skin there not knowing if he would ever be allowed again and wanting to have what he could right now.

That thought had him pressing even closer and wrapping his body around his older brother so he could not escape, he blocked all his thoughts out and focused on how good he felt right now. He felt warm and safe and loved and as close to Dean as ever, he could feel his mind and body relaxing as he drifted off into a deep sleep mumbling against his brothers neck, "love you, don't leave me," he was in dreams seconds later not knowing if his brother even heard him.


	3. Chapter 3

  
It was much later than he normally woke. Nearly ten. Which unfortunately meant they had less than an hour to get up and check out of their motel room before having to pay for an extra day. Though the way every part of his body still ached, throbbing like one giant bruise, Dean almost didn't care if he spent the entire day in bed. He normally didn't feel this bad except after a really rough hunt going one on one with a really pissed off poltergeist or something.   


  
The young man sighed heavily, rubbing his face. Considering if a shower was even worth it, though it might help ease some of his sore and still tired muscles. Though that would require moving as well, and despite everything… Dean looked down at the younger boy still curled around him, clinging to him tightly even in his sleep. His brother's head pillowed comfortably on his chest, his warm breath tickling him a little with every soft exhale. 

The older boy sighed as he slid his fingers through his brother's warm sleep tosseled hair. Maybe it should have felt awkward, to say the least. Especially given the fact that they were both dressed in only their underwear and what had happened last night… But looking at his little brother's peaceful face, feeling Sam cuddled so trusting and loving against him, he only felt warm and comforted. 

He didn't deserve this kind of love and devotion, and yet he knew he couldn't live without it. 

Dean sighed again as his fingers moved down to gently rub the sleep warm skin at the back of his brother's neck. Coaxing the younger boy awake slowly.   


* * *

Sam was in a nice warm place his dreams still lingering but too hazy for him to recall them as he slowly became aware of someone calling his name. He tried to ignore the voice and snuggled further into the warmth next to him mumbling, "tired, stop talking." Some part of his mind registered it was his big brother and he smiled as he lazily dragged his hand up his brothers chest to find his mouth before covering it and mumbling "shush."

He wanted to giggle as his brother pulled his hand away as he could imagine Deans face, but he was too tired, his bones felt heavy and he found it impossible to open his eyes. He didn't know what time they finally slept last night but he knew it was late ........ that thought bought back all of last nights memories and he felt himself blush. He wondered if it had been a dream, but then how come he was wrapped around his big brother like this?

It was too much to be thinking like this, so early and he moaned into his brothers neck just wanting to sleep the day away and put off facing his thoughts and his brother. Though even if Dean let him sleep, which was unlikely, he knew his mind wouldn't let him sleep now, he had too many thoughts buzzing around wanting to be answered.

Deciding to talk before Dean dumped his ass on the floor he mumbled into his neck, "what times it?"

* * *

In spite of everything, Dean couldn’t help but smile at his brother’s sleepy reply. A small laugh escaping behind Sam’s hand when the younger boy covered his mouth and shushed him. Sometimes his little brother was just too damn ‘cute’ for his own good. He pulled his brother’s hand away, feeling only a little irritated, but not even bothering to fake a frown at his brother since Sammy wasn’t paying any attention to him anyway.

He was tempted to just let the younger boy continue sleeping. Since he didn’t really feel like getting up right now either. But they really couldn’t afford to waste money on paying for the room another night when they didn’t really need it.

So when his brother asked him sleepily what time it was, maybe trying to get them back a little to where they were supposed to be, he did what any big brother would do. He began to tickle the younger boy.

“I told you. Time to get up.” Dean laughed as he tried to keep a hold on his now squirming and protesting little brother.

* * *

Sam found himself woken up in a really cruel shocking way as those talented fingers found every ticklish spot and he screamed in protest through his fits of giggles, "Stop, Deaaannnn, lemme go...." He tried desperately to escape his brothers hold and squirmed madly against him tears rolling down his cheeks as he laughed too much.

As Dean stopped for a second he had a moment to realize his hands were free to attack back, as Deans hands found his ribs again he started in on his own attack giggling like a girl. His fingers moved up his brothers sides but he knew he wasn't doing enough damage due to having to squirm away ever few seconds when it got too much.

The tickling was almost painful now and he was gasping for air and pleading with Dean to stop but his big brother was determined to kill him it seemed. So seeing the only way out of it Sam's fingers found his brothers nipples and twisted them. He knew it was not hard enough because he lost his grip through another fit of giggles and squirming, so he tried again knowing that if he twisted them enough it would hurt enough to stop his brothers attack. His fingers found his brothers nipples again and he was ready to twist when he realized Dean had stopped tickling his fingers were stroking the sensitive skin now in a way that made him squirm for other reasons.

For some reason he was reluctant to look at his brother so focused on where his fingers were instead, he had no idea how Dean would respond but he needed to know either way where things stood between them, was he allowed to touch like this or would he be stopped. He could feel the tension between them and felt a strange excitement building in him as he let his fingers twist the nipples gently his fingers sliding over them in a soft caress

* * *

Dean couldn’t help but laugh right along with his little brother as the younger boy squirmed and giggled on top of him. Easily avoiding Sam’s attempts at retaliation and ignoring his pleas to stop.

It hadn’t really been his intention to ‘torture’ his brother too much when he’d begun this, but now that it had started, he couldn’t really bring himself to stop. It felt good to laugh and horse around with the younger boy. It was good. It was _normal_. What all brothers did…

At least, it was until Sam went to give him a titty-twister, which in itself wasn’t much out of the ordinary since his little brother wasn’t above playing dirty when he needed to. So he simply shrugged off the first feel of his little brother’s fingers against his nipples.

However when the younger boy managed to get a firmer hold, Dean froze. His breath hitching in his chest as the gentle pinching and caressing made his nipples tighten underneath his brother’s fingers and sending a rush of heat straight to his cock. Pulling a moan out of him against his will.

“Sam…” His brother’s name rushed out of him barely more than a breath. Feeling slightly dizzy even though he wasn’t the one who’d been tickled breathless.

Stop… he had to stop this… but he was still frozen. At least, his mind was. Because his hands were still moving. Gentler now on his brother’s soft flesh. Fingers spread wide along the younger boy’s ribs and sides. He could feel Sam’s heart beating hard and fast beneath his fingertips. Much like his own.

* * *

He wasn't sure what he had expected but the moan was unexpected, as was the reaction it caused, his cock hardened at the way his brother moaned his name and he felt light with relief. He had been so worried Dean wouldn't let this happen between them, his fingers caressed the nipples again as he snuggled into his brother.

He wanted to kiss Dean, he wanted to feel his brother pressing against him as their tongues met allowing him to explore with his hands, only he was too nervous and too young to initiate that or ask for it. So instead his mouth found a familiar place, his brothers neck was fast becoming a safe place to hide his face whilst his hand did their exploring, he pressed lazy gentle kisses against his brothers neck as his hand stroked over Deans hard body.

He hesitated as he reached the waistband of Deans boxers, he knew what he wanted, only he wasn't sure if it was allowed or if it would break his brother out of the moment. His brothers hands were stroking his sides slowly as if he were in some kind of trance, the soft touches were making him shiver and squirm slightly but he didn't want it to stop. What he wanted was to be able to touch his brother how he wanted but he was unsure if Dean would allow him to explore further so he hesitated,

"...."Dean?," his voice was barely a whisper but it asked the question he couldn't find the words for.

* * *

His little brother snuggling into his neck, pressing sweet soft kisses into his skin making his pulse race beneath the younger boy’s lips was driving him insane. Making him want… making him need in ways he shouldn’t. Sam’s fingers exploring his chest, his stomach, making his muscles clench. Making his skin burn.

It would be so easy, so damn easy, to just let this happen. To give in to what they both wanted… but what would happen later? Maybe years from now, when Sam looked back and saw him for the pervert he really was. Maybe his brother would even hate him. For stealing away his innocence…

That thought, combined with when he felt the younger boy’s fingers brush against the waistband of his boxers broke him from his trance and he forced his hands away from Sam’s skin to grasp his hands. Holding them gently, but stopping his brother from touching him any more in ways he shouldn’t.

“Sammy wait… please…” Dean panted as he tried to regain control of his senses. Tried to force down the desire he shouldn’t even feel. Try to ignore the ache in his groin, how hard he was. Hard for his baby brother… He was such a sick fuck.

He forced his eyes open as he carefully pushed his brother off of him a little. Holding Sam’s arms in a tight but gentle grip. Easing the younger boy away so he could look in his brother’s eyes as he spoke. Pleading for him to understand.

“We can’t do this, Sammy. You have to know why we can’t… No matter how much I want, no matter how good it feels… You’re only fourteen. You’re my baby brother. If Dad knew how I touched you, he’d skin me alive, and with good reason. I don’t want to be like… that fucking pervert from last night. I love you, Sam, and I don’t want to hurt you, or fuck you up…”

* * *

Sam froze as his brother pleaded with him to stop, he felt sick and ashamed as Dean gently pushed him away, he should have known better than to push things, Dean didn't want this. As he met Deans eyes he felt shame at his brothers words, because he didn't know this was wrong and he should, this would make any normal guy question his sanity, he wasn't normal. He clung to his brothers next words, Dean wanted this? but then why was he pushing him away if it felt so good, was Dean just saying that to stop Sam feeling bad for showing how much he wanted his big brother?

The sick feeling just got more intense as his big brothers words sunk in, Dean thought he was hurting him, he thought he was sick like that guy last night and that was all Sam's fault. Dean would never have taken things this far if Sam hadn't of pushed it, if he wasn't so fucked up last night never would have happened and Dean wouldn't be punishing himself for it. Dean prided himself on being Sam's protector and now he felt like he had hurt him in the worst way possible, Sam knew how much that had to be fucking with his big brothers head. Of course he was worried what dad would say too, he would be blamed for it by their father, not Sam even though it was him that wanted this, him that had started it.

Desperate to stop his brother hurt he shook his head, "Dean you never hurt me, I wanted it ...... don't think your like that guy..... your not Dean," he knew it was useless and could only think of one way to make it all better again.

The Winchester way.

Which meant ignoring it and forgetting it ever happened, "we can just forget it happened Dean, I won't try anything again, we can pretend it never happened if you want?" He could feel his heart clenching at the offer, because he wanted this, he wanted to be with his brother this way but not at his brothers expense. Dean had given into his needs last night, he had given his baby brother what he needed as always and now he was punishing himself for that. It wasn't right, Dean shouldn't suffer because of his own wants.

For once he could be the one to sacrifice something for his brother, he could do this, it wouldn't kill him, even if it felt like it was, he could do this.

"Lets just forget last night ever happened, OK?"

Sam knew however, he would not forget last night as long as he lived, it was the single most cherished moment in his short life and he couldn't see many moments topping it. Especially as he wouldn't get to experience that ever again.

* * *

Dean couldn’t help but smile at his little brother’s attempts to reassure him, even though that was his job. To look after Sam. To make sure nothing hurt him. He never thought that his younger brother might one day need protection _from_ him.

But the younger boy’s reassurances that he hadn’t hurt him, that Sam had wanted it, managed to lighten his heart in spite of everything. In spite of knowing that his brother was too young to really understand, to know what he wanted, and maybe even to understand how wrong it was what Dean had done.

Maybe he wasn’t like that man who’d tried to pick up his fourteen year old little brother last night. He actually cared about Sam after all, didn’t want to hurt him, though he didn’t know if that made him better or worse.

He didn’t know if just forgetting the whole thing was going to solve the problem. Or if it would even be possible. Maybe things had changed forever last night and they’d never go back the way they were. Sharing beds together was pretty much out of the question from now on. What about the hugs or even kisses they’d shared so easily before now? Would those be gone too? Those were painful thoughts, but what was the alternative? Separating… ? Never seeing each other again?

No. Dean would do whatever he had to make sure that didn’t happen, he swore. He nodded as he sat up to gently hug his little brother tightly against him. Maybe for the last time.

“It’ll be all right, Sammy. I promise.” He whispered gently, running his fingers through his brother’s soft hair before easing back again. Trying to force all the reassurance he could into the smile he gave the younger boy. “Come on, we better get going. We’re going house hunting today, right?”

He hoped that reminding his brother of their plans, back on track after the brief derailment from last night, would hopefully brighten the younger boy’s mood.


End file.
